BILLINGSGATE POST: It has been reported, that for the nearly nine months preceding the Presidential election, while Joe Biden was sequestered in his basement, he wore out the recliner mechanism on two Naugahyde BarcaLoungers.
Although he did get up once or twice to go to the bathroom, unfortunately, on one occasion, he tripped over one of his mutts and broke his foot. Despite this, he did come out of his cave long enough to specifically deny, that on a trip to China while Vice President, he had compromised himself by having sex with three Chinese hookers while driving a forklift that he had commandeered from a construction site in Shanghai.
His favorite song by the Statler Brothers in 1966:
Flowers On The Wall
I keep hearing you’re concerned about my happiness
But all that thought you’re giving me is conscience, I guess
If I were walking in your shoes I wouldn’t worry none
While you and your friends are worrying ’bout me, I’m having lots of fun.
Counting flowers on the wall
That don’t bother me at all
Playing solitaire till dawn with a deck of fifty-one
Smoking cigarettes and watching Captain Kangaroo
Now don’t tell me I’ve nothing to do
Dr. Slim: “I always thought he was a Christy Lane fan.”
Dirty: “Yo, Doctor. He loves Christy. He once listened to her sing “Footprints In The Sand,” for 36 days in a row, without leaving his BarcaLounger.”