Over the course of the pandemic many people have adopted or begun fostering pets, both because lots of folks found themselves with way more time on their hands in lockdown and because everybody has been clinging to literally any form of socialization and anything that provides the slightest bit of joy in this ceaseless nightmare.
If you haven’t welcomed an animal companion into your life yet there is still time, and this might be the dog for you. So long as you’re not a man, or a child, or someone who lives with men or children, or who has other dogs. Or cats. Or anything else, really.
This is Prancer, and he’s quite the
Prancer is a chihuahua from New Jersey and he has a lot of strong feelings. Most of them are not good. Since coming into her life “obese, wearing a cashmere sweater, with a bacon egg n cheese stuffed in his crate with him,” Tyfanee Fortuna and her family have been fostering Prancer for six months, but the time has come for Fortuna to really put the pedal to the metal on her hunt for his forever home — a task which has proved difficult for a number of reasons.
In her now-viral Facebook post, Fortuna describes Prancer and what living with Prancer is like in vivid, brutally honest detail, after writing a number of drafts to try and make him sound “palatable”.
“The problem is, he’s just not. There’s not a very big market for neurotic, man hating, animal hating, children hating dogs that look like gremlins.”
Fortuna describes Prancer as “50% hate and 50% tremble,” and explains that because his former owner, an elderly woman transitioning to assisted living, never socialized him, he has a deep loathing for men, any other animal, and (it’s safe to assume) children. She goes on to say that because of this, he likely could not live in an apartment complex, unless you hate your neighbors, and that he would probably “have to be put away like a vacuum” when company comes.
“I am convinced at this point he is not a real dog, but more like a vessel for a traumatized Victorian child that now haunts our home.”
Thanks to Fortuna’s hilarious “buyer beware” post, and because I think we all resonate with a grump like Prancer, he has become an internet sensation. Fortuna says that the flip side of his incredible, concentrated neurosis is he is incredibly loyal, and would make a great companion for a single woman or a married couple. He likes to go for car rides and although Fortuna admits he does have a “bologna face”, he smiles when he’s happy and is still a little bit adorable.