CORNBREAD, Iowa – (Satire News) – Mildred F. Duckington was thrilled with the beautiful cactus figurine that her 17, great grandchildren gave her for her 94th birthday.
She thanked them and she asked why they were all laughing like crazy. She asked one granddaughter if her granny panties were showing or what.
None of the grandchildren had the heart to tell Grandma Milly that the family practical joker grandson Gomer “Bubba” Duckington, 17, had purchased the intimate item as a gag gift from “Dildos ‘R’ Us.”
A very elated Grandma Milly, told the entire family that she was so proud of her lovely gift, and announced to everyone that she was going to display it on the living room coffee table between the photo of great Grandpa Horace and a picture of her idol Dolly Parton.
All of the granddaughters started sobbing and they hugged her while the grandsons took Gomer outside and turned him into a human pinata.
SIDENOTE: Gomer plays defensive tackle for the high school football team and he stands 6-foot-6, and weighs 285, so the good old boy ain’t hurting one bit.