Meteorologists predict 47 hurricanes on US mainland this year

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CROCODILE SHOES, Florida – (Satire News) – In a prediction to end all predictions the U.S. Weather Federation has stated that they are expecting a grand total of 47 hurricanes to make landfall in the continental United States this hurricane season.

News agencies are reporting that thousands of people who live in trailer parks are already planning to leave their mobile homes and head north to Ohio, Michigan, and Massachusetts.

One longtime resident of Apalachicola, Florida, Norley Ray Sapling said that he is not taking any chances, and he is going to move his wife, Cora Lee, his nine youngun’s, their pet squirrel “Nutty,” and their Shetland pony “Horsey” up to Nova Scotia, Canada.

Norley told Vodka Vermicelli, with The iRumors News Agency that back in 1999, he got caught in Hurricane Cleopatra, who had sustained winds of 183 mph.

He recalled that Cleopatra picked him up and tossed him a distance of 212 yards, but luckily he ended up in a neighbor’s swimming pool.

Sapling told Miss Vermicelli that to this day he is still horribly afraid of diving boards, pool noodles, and the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit issue.

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