POZNAN, Poland – (Sports Satire) – Reports filtering out of Poland state that the country’s top female pole vaulter has just been disqualified from participating in this year’s summer Olympics in Tokyo, Japan.
Guntherina Lubbintok, 24, was notified by the Summer Olympics Coalition, that after inspecting her pole vaulting pole, it was learned that the pole is corked; which is of course illegal and grounds for a first-class disqualification.
Olympic inspectors stated that the cork is the same type that some Major League Baseball players have used in their bats, to gain an unfair advantage, much like centerfielder Algonquin Ownbocker did back in 1997, in a game between his Boston Red Sox and the Texas Rangers.
Meanwhile Bubbintok says that she will appeal to the SOC, and she hopes that they will give her a second chance because it’s right thing to do; and not just because she is one of the sexiest female athletes in all of Poland.
SIDENOTE: Bubbintok has informed the sports media that if she is not allowed to participate, she will hire noted American attorney Gloria Allred, and she plans to file a $17 million lawsuit on grounds of Vaultilistic Ipso Factoralis.