SAN FRANCISCO – (Sports Satire) – Major League Baseball has announced that they will be conducting an intensive investigation regarding the firing of the bat boy for the San Francisco Giants.
BuzzFuzz reporter Taffeta Kixx broke the story of little 9-year-old Billy Augustus Shickalino.
Accounts state that a utility infielder for the Giants team allegedly saw Billy steal about a dozen packets of sunflower seeds from one of the storage units in the team’s locker room.
Billy’s attorney Ginger Allred says her client is innocent and it is all a matter of the utility infielder, who has been identified as Melarino Zucchini, being mad at Billy, because the bat boy told him that to be honest, he sucks big time, and he should really be sent down to the minor leagues.
Miss Allred says that she is getting ready to file a $7 million misguided firing lawsuit, in which she names the San Francisco Giants, utility infielder Melarino Zucchini, and Giants security guard, Otis Prix, who reportedly pepper-sprayed Billy, while he was in handcuffs.
Meanwhile, a Giants insider overheard two top team officials saying that if Miss Allred agrees to drop the lawsuit, they will send Zucchini down to the minors, they will fire the security guard, and they will give Billy a $5,000 gift certificate to Toys ‘R’ Us.