BROOKLYN – (Satire News) – A Trump insider has expressed that Donald Trump’s favorite offspring, is in an extremely depressed state.
The close family friend said that he’s known Ivanka for 33 years, ever since she was a little girl of 6.
He noted that the last time she was as depressed as she is now was when she was 14, and after eating three Nestles Crunch bars, her face suddenly broke out and she counted a total of 9 pimples.
Ivanka has always been the apple of her lying daddy’s eye, and now that he’s as close to being incarcerated in prison as macaroni is to cheese, she doesn’t know how she’ll get along without his words of praise, his hugs, his kisses, and the occasional pat on her butt.
Dopey brother Eric, tried to cheer her up, by saying that she will still be able to face time Daddy Donnie.
Meanwhile, Melania reportedly told Don Jr.’s mistress, Kimberly Guilfoyle, that she warned him, and warned him, and warned him about lying, cheating, and basically being a horse’s ass to so many of his cabinet members, friends, lawyers, and girlfriends…but noooo.