Happened to me on my 21st birthday- all my “friends” made up excuses why they couldn’t come. Then the 3 friends that did met some guys and we went back to their house and awkwardly sat around.
Happened again for my 25th birthday- I had moved across the country and found new friends, but they all bailed at the last minute. I called my roommate at the time who came out when he got off work, and he called some of his friends who came out and I had the best night ever. Those guys are now my real friends, and I married that roommate
Back in my first year of college, I used to have a group of friends (like 7 dudes with me included). We always hang out together and we’re used to have this “group chat” where we discuss about anything from class subjects to random things. After a year, I noticed that one of the guys (let’s just call him Randy) keeps getting excluded; Not invited/informed to group hangout while they’re talking smack behind his back. And the “unofficial leader” of the group actually made a whole new group chat, inviting everyone (myself included) except Randy without his knowledge.
I know what it feels to be left out, I experienced that in Middle school and it’s really awful. I stopped hanging out with them and I started hanging out with Randy. He’s quite eccentric but a very good person at heart. We’ve been friends for more than 6 years, and he still got my back
I was invited to the bachelorette party for one of the friends in this group. While at the party, I figured out that I was the only person not invited to the wedding. I had been invited to the party because they needed another person to chip in for expenses.
When I traded in my truck for a smaller more eco friendly vehicle. Communication plummeted now that i can’t haul furniture around, assist with moving as much, dispose of garbage.. etc.
When my phone got stolen and I lost their phone numbers. Mine stayed the same, but we just never talked again.
The group made plans to meet and hang out. I was getting ready in the salon. A couple of friends had to back out for some reason. The other friend then made excuses of his own, and I could tell. I tried cajoling him and offer ways for him to go but he basically decided to cancel the entire group meet up.
It was my birthday.
Shortly realized after quitting cocaine that a majority of my “friends” only kept me around so they could feel better about their own cocaine habits.
I was heavily addicted and setting myself down a path I never once thought I could or would take. Stopped for my own benefit and health, and was treated like a selfish piece of s*** for doing so. The next months ensued and not one of them checked in to see how I was doing, but instead my high school best friend started sleeping with my ex highschool girlfriend (I was with her for 5 years and actually thought I was going to marry her at one point) who dumped me for doing cocaine and is now an honorary member of the group I was cast out of.
Replaced with the person who partially fueled my substance abuse, who dumped me for substance abuse, by the group that didn’t like me stopping my substance abuse, so they could all abuse substances together.
It’s now been over a year since I quit, and honestly couldnt be happier. Got rid of a cocaine addiction and about 1000lbs of dead weight. But it was an eye opener to say the least.
I was at a party, really depressed after a bad breakup and got drunk. My abusive ex showed up, caught me somewhere alone and hit me. I begged several friends for help since I was too drunk to drive home alone and they ignored me. My ex best friend was there, completely sober and refused to drive home with me because she didn’t believe he would do that. There’s no Uber or anything in my country btw. The whole thing escalated, one guy I didn’t know ended up finding me alone in a field crying and throwing up, brought me back to the house, build a bed out of blankets for me and sat guard all night to make sure my ex wouldn’t do anything again.
One friend stopped replying to my texts right after we graduated from college. Like the same week we graduated. So… I was pretty much just a study buddy that they kept close to keep me helping them.
This was quite a few years ago. My ex and I were really friendly with another couple. Did a ton of stuff together. Then they moved (not far) and fairly shortly after my ex and I separated. They hung out with me for a few months but then stopped calling.
A few years later, I ran into both of them at a race (an ultramarathon) and they both pretended like they didn’t know me. That was actually a really painful moment.
Middle school. I hung out with a group who treated me like dog s***. I was always the one getting made fun of, the group punching bag, that sort of thing. I hung out with them because they were the only “friends” I had. Then I woke up one day and realized they all sucked. So at lunch I went up to them, told them they were all d*** heads. I got laughed at, but I went and sat alone. I was alone all the way until junior year of high school when I told my parents that the big city wasn’t for me. So my amazing parents sacrificed everything and moved up to Montana. I showed up to a small school and didn’t know a soul. I decided to join the football team. That was the best choice I ever made. I met all new friends, who I’m still friends with 15 years later.
When I went through a divorce and was down to $700…most difficult period and weeded out all those who “friended” me for my generosity because I was well settled. Started over and have like 2 true good friends.
They would invite each other to places in front of me and not include me in the slightest. When I ditched them they didn’t know how to take it, lol.
When you try to open up and try to share a genuine conversation about something going on in your life and all they can do it crack jokes and try to get you to go out drinking with them. Made me realize how surface level many “friendships” really are.
Then you have the opposite of that – 3 guys I’ve known since I was a freshman in high school. Been friends for over 15 years. Have stayed in touch through all of us getting married, having kids, and moving to completely separate areas or the country. Yet whenever we’re within an hour of each other we always make a point to get breakfast and catch up (this usually turns into 3+ hour conversations). This may only happen once or twice a year, but I consider those guys my best friends. That’s real friendship and I’m fortunate to have them.
I wouldn’t say I have fake friends but I am definitely the periphery friend. The majority of the time if there isn’t enough tickets or space in the car for everyone to go do something, I’m the one who gets cut out. It doesn’t bother me much but I wish they would be more mindful when talking to me about “things we have done.” “Remember when we went to see XXX? Wasn’t that fun?” Well, no because I wasn’t invited. In those situations it usually gets awkward or they say “Hey, we would have invited you if we had the tickets, space, etc.”
Like I suspect for a lot of people, getting divorced was a real eye opener. I started with a core group of close friends who had all met in our late teens/early twenties and one of them introduced me to the woman who I would ultimately marry. Well into our 40s they were what I considered to be my family but when the divorce happened things spiralled.
My best friend stuck with me, but his wife was the one who orchestrated things in our group and she was best friends with my ex. I was expecting the two of them to insulate for a while and I knew it was painful for my ex to be around me, so it was no surprise when I stopped getting invitations to cook outs etc..
But then I noticed that the other members of the group were also avoiding/ignoring me. I’d see on facebook that one of them came into my town to go to a concert for a band that they knew I liked and hadn’t so much as texted. Birthdays rolled around and nobody would call. When my parents both died within a few months of each other and not a one of them reached out I knew where I stood.
My best friend needs to get credit though. Alone from all of them he made a consistent effort to stay in touch and see me regularly. He was there when my parents died and through everything else even though his wife clearly disapproved. I think finally after this nonsense had been going on for several years he told her how ridiculous it all seemed and that entire friend group tried to reconcile. I made it clear right from the start that there was no guarantee that I’d ever find space for them in my life again.
This is all very apropos right now because they are having their first big post-covid party in a couple weeks and I’m invited. People are coming in from all over the country and the only one I give a s*** about seeing is my buddy.
Went to pick up my xbox 360 a friend was borrowing, and our whole group of friends were there. They had spent the entire day playing games with snacks and pizza, and I had not been invited. And now I was in the situation of being the douche who takes the ball home and ruins the fun for everyone. I took my xbox and never spoke to anyone in that group again.
When they ghosted me after 17 years of close friendship. I still have no idea what I did wrong, and for extra salt in the wound, it was right after I spent a week eating instant noodles because I donated every cent I had to one of them for her cancer treatment GoFundMe.
Hurt more than any relationship breakup.
Edit: for all those asking, yes she definitely has cancer, no she didn’t die, and given that it was more than 1 person who ghosted me and that the cancer friend still maintains an active social life with everyone else but me, it’s probably not for reasons related to her ordeal.
When I was in school, all my friends and I did different A levels.
Despite us all having different lessons to each other, they would wait for each other to go to lunch together, but they would always always forget me. Like I’d come out and they wouldn’t be there, so I’d have lunch by myself.
And then they’d come back and tell me they thought I was with them.
I was the only one they didn’t wait for.
I’ve only seen one of them since we left school. She had forgotten my name.
So that sucked.
One “friend” at university tried to steal my Animation coursework, claim it as his own and get me kicked out for stealing his work.
However I had help setting things up by one of my Tutors/Professors, for me to film the coursework, so he instead got expelled and blacklisted from the University and any other University in the UK doing the same subject (The people running all the Animation degrees in every University in the UK, back then, knew each other and talked to each other regularly as it a small community. I think there were less than half a dozen Universities with Animation degrees back then)
This was 20ish years ago now.
This friend, I’ll call her Mary, had kids the same age as mine. We got together for play dates pretty often and our kids would sleep over at each others’ houses for weekends. I liked Mary. We would often visit and talk while our kids were playing. One weekend, her kids had stayed at my house. The older one called her mom to see when she was coming to pick her up. I was in the room, and the kid put the phone on speaker for some reason. Mary told the kid what time she would be there and added, “You had better be waiting outside. If I have to go in and spend the next hour talking to rivertam, I’m going to be really pissed.”
We didn’t spend much time together after that.
Here’s what happened after I overheard my friend say that to her child:
I simply stopped initiating contact and wasn’t as available to do stuff for her. When we dropped off or picked up the kids, I smiled and waved. I let the kids make the plans for play dates. I no longer had time to help her with her garden or watch her kids while she went out with another friend (they were into long distance running, which is not my cup of tea). She never contacted me unless she wanted something. This had always been true, but I had not realized it. The “friendship” eventually fizzled out on its own. So, I guess it had never been much of a friendship to begin with. I just didn’t realize it until she opened my eyes.
For me it was when I got in some deep trouble and they all just cast me aside without even giving it a second thought, I realized this when I invited all of them to go to the movies with me and they all said they couldn’t go, I then found out through one of them that they went to see that movie the same day and when I asked then why they didn’t tell me they were going they said: “We just wanted to go together” s*** broke my heart
When I broke up with my long-term boyfriend, the guy I thought had been my best friend of 3 years gave me 2 weeks before saying “is it my turn, yet?” F*****g garbage.
When my long time “friend” called me and said “Hey can you hang out? No one else can.”
My “friends” from high school all unfollowed me when I graduated college. I’m the only one who no longer lives in our hometown.
Ooof! This one hurt. When I was married we had a friend group of 3 couples from our street. We went to football games, trips to the beach and spent holidays at each other’s homes. After the divorce I went traveling for a year then moved to a condo downtown in our city. I’d had lunch with the wives after returning from traveling. I thought we were still friends.
I was sitting on my 2nd floor balcony of my new condo one night about 8PM and saw them walking down the street. I said, HI! So good to see you! They’d all been out to dinner and were headed to another couple’s apartment who had moved downtown while their house was being renovated for a quick drink. I was excited to see them and asked them to stop by on their way back to where they’d parked. I tidied up my place and anxiously awaited seeing my old pals. I was texting with one of the ladies during the wait. About 9PM I saw them walking and chatting back towards my place. They couldn’t see me. When they got close to my balcony they stopped talking and walked quickly and quietly by. Then started laughing and talking after they passed.
The one I’d been texted with while I waited sent me a text an hour later saying they were just now leaving the other friend’s place and it was too late to stop by. I replied that I’d seen them when they left. I never spoke to any of them again even though they tried to be “friends” on Facebook.
I wasn’t hurt that they couldn’t stop by on short notice. It was that they made me a joke and it really hurt.
tl;dr Don’t expect to stay friends with couples you were friends with when you were part of a couple.
When I was babysitting her kids things were going great. We would hangout all the time…have movie nights and just talk and chill. But the second she no longer needed a babysitter was the second I got kicked to the curb. No explanation…not even a text back. Some people will act like your best friend until they no longer need you. Their loss though.
In college I remember hanging out with a group of people like the ones on this thread. They were also my room mates for three years. Every year, we’d throw a fun party for every ones birthday but mine. They didn’t even know when mine was.
After I graduated and looked back on it, I realized they were never my friends. I don’t even hear from them anymore.
I spent 4 years socializing with the wrong people, and if I had just hung out with the people that I had led to believe were “nerds” or annoying (or who I had more things in common with) I would likely have had a much more fun time in undergrad.
Good thing I have much better friends than just the ones I made back then
Whenever we were supposed to hang out something came up and that something was hanging out with other mutual “friends”
When I slowly realized I was only around for chores and errands. Rides to the airport, pick up furniture, help move. Anything social always resulted in either last minute cancellations, showing up 45 minutes late and bolting after 10 minutes. I thought they were busy, but no.
When I realized literally just being in the same room as that person made me miserable. It’s because the person was extremely self conscious, to the point that they would overcompensate by “putting others down” every little chance they had, to make themselves feel above. I kept wondering why they would keep throwing me under the bus for no reason? Like we had been friends for years, why would they treat me like this? It took me years to figure out exactly how bad of a friend they were, no matter how hard they pretend not to be. It took me an entire year of ghosting to stop being friends with that person, because they loved putting me down so much they wouldn’t stop calling me, texting me, trying to contact me for a year with no responses because they could not understand how someone could possibly want to stop hanging out with them because they are so perfect!
When you lose your ‘worth’ to them. For instance, you are going through a dark period in your life, then they just leave like you are a worthless bag of dust.
When I went bankrupt.
I learned who my real friends were. Thats for sure.
Some of my closest friends literally abandoned me. Other friends I was close with years before literally came to my rescue.
When you literally hit ground zero you learn who’s got your back. My fiancé started cheating on me when this occurred. As if I wasn’t dealing with enough in terms of a living hell of a life— icing on the cake. The person I was closest with.
You’ll never really know unless you hit a rock bottom of sorts. Who’s gonna be there. And who’ll be lickedy split got no time for you when the going gets rough.
Could have been worse. I could have married her.
My best friend of ten years called on my wedding day to say she couldn’t make it because she was just so sad about her recent divorce. Turns out, she just had a date. Our whole friendship was fake, it just took me to that point to realize it.
This was also when I realized who were my friends and who weren’t.
We were supposed to go to a tour and we save our money and pooled them.
Fake friends told me they had to cancel the plan because ticket prices got too high, told me to wait a few days to get my money back.
Real friends asked me why I bailed on them, and were worried that I had an emergency.
Turns out my fake friends didn’t want me to come and instead would use my money for their booze and told everyone else that I bailed out and took my money back so everyone else would give more for their booze allowance.
That friendship ended and I also learned my fake friends were alcoholics and weren’t strangers to f*****g over people to get what they want.
Today one of them is alive, their alcoholism ruined their lives and some even died from it.
When they walked past me crying and pretended I didn’t exist.
After graduating high school, then once again after graduating college. I think graduation is the ultimate test of true friends vs. the people who were drinking buddies or people you hung out with because you all disliked the same cliques.
When they abandoned me when I was going through a rough time. When I spent years listening and supporting them. When I have my first true moment where I am not coping and need support, they are nowhere to be seen and bitching behind my back. This is when I realised my high school friends never had grown up past high school. Luckily I had other friends. Just not a large girl group like that. But I can actually say that every friend I have I know they have my back and won’t judge me if I am not always happy. And the same for me. I have always had very high expectations of myself as a friend and I feel that everyone I call a friend is someone that brings something special to my life. That is worth more than having a huge group of b****y girlfriends who turn on each other when they are out of the room. It took me a long time to realize it though.
They stopped inviting me to hang out. They would ask me to drive them to parties, but not invite me to go to the parties. They basically ghosted me for a while.
They were once such amazing and important friends, but they gradually became really arrogant. It took a way longer than it should have to give up and find other people.
A lot of so-called friends aren’t real friends. They’re more like acquaintances. People you know and are civil with. There’s at least one that is “fake” though. He or she has you in their life solely to benefit from. It can be financially, it can be emotionally. It can just be because he or she thrives on your failures. Some people keep you around as something to gawk at. Harsh but true.