Although I was only half-present, something the therapist said quickly caught my attention. In a jewel-toned top, with her hair pulled into a loose bun, a few strands escaping to frame her face, she described something called attachment styles, which she said refer to the way you relate to other people. Then she described the anxious/avoidant trap. “There’s a push/pull mechanism that keeps the relationship alive,” she said. When someone with an anxious attachment style dates someone with an avoidant one, she said, it tends to look like this: As the anxious partner draws closer, the avoidant one runs away. Eventually, the anxious person gives up — at which point the avoidant person, who craves intimacy, returns, leading to a short-lived reconciliation. Then, the same cycle starts back up again. It can feel like being stuck on a loop, or a merry-go-round, or any other cyclical hell you’d like to compare it to. And I was living it.