Correct me if I’m wrong, but the language of love is never straightforward. In fact, we often tend to communicate much more subtly; through hints, messages, gestures, and references, hoping that our love interest or significant other would actually get it.
But sometimes, much more often than we think, it’s not how it works. Call it miscommunication, but romantic messages do not always reach their addressee which results in some pretty hilarious stories to tell.
So this time, we’re taking a look at some of these missed opportunities and how reality won over intention. Have a good laugh! After you’re done, be sure to check out our previous post with more obvious hints from girls that guys did not notice.
A girl once burned me a mix CD of almost nothing but love songs. My guy friends and I held a small conference where we listened to the CD in full and tried to see if there was some hidden message there. We came up with a solid maybe. There were 6 of us debating this.
“Hey, there’s room in my tent if you want to join me”
“Thanks, but I brought my own tent!”
And that’s the story of why my friends think I’m socially retarded
I was living with my then-boyfriend a few years ago. Feeling a little flirtatious, I suggested we could take a shower together, you know, to save water, wink wink.
His response? “Why? We don’t pay for water.”
Love is a tricky game. No wonder there are volumes upon volumes of books, TV shows, podcasts, and even courses created to help us navigate its rocky terrain. Sometimes it pays off, but often our romantic hopes get shattered and time is the only power that’s able to heal that wound.
So in order to find out how to really determine whether your romantic interest is into you, we spoke with James Preece, a leading Dating Expert in the UK who has helped 1000s of single people. No wonder people often describe him as the UK’s version of Hitch.
A girl literally confessed her feelings directly to me and I didn’t hear it cause I zoned out looking at a squirrel
Girl kisses me in the dark in her bedroom at her birthday party. “You should leave before we do something stupid,” she whispers. I nod and leave.
Watching TV in my living room at roughly 2am, in the dark
Her: applying strawberry lip gloss.
Me: why are you putting on lip gloss?
Her: strawberry lip gloss tastes so nice.
Me: haha youre weird
Her: want to taste?
Me: nah I already know what it tastes like
Commence several years of late night self loathing and regret
So first off, we wanted to figure out what you should do if your romantic interest is not getting your subtle hints, no matter what you do. “If you’ve tried being subtle and it didn’t get noticed, then it’s time to change tact,” the dating expert said. “It’s worth noting that they might already be aware of your interest, but they aren’t sure how to react. If they aren’t keen, then they will pretend they’ve not noticed to avoid embarrassment.”
Early interaction with my boyfriend-
Me: “That suit looks great on you. It would look better on the floor.”
Him: “That would wrinkle the suit.”
When I was drunkenly flirting with a girl (I never flirt and I’m horrible with girls in general so didn’t think I was getting anywhere) and asked her where the bathroom was. She said ‘I’ll show you’ then came in with me and asked what I wanted to do.
Awfully confused I says ‘well I want to have a piss, you’ll have to leave’.
She said ‘oh’ and left
Took me about 6 months before I figured that one out
In high school I walked into a classroom and a very attractive girl that was an acquaintance at most came up to me and said “djw, did you know that Rodrigo and I broke up?”
I said, “oh, sorry to hear that,” and went on my way.
Then I spent the rest of the day and night thinking about that. Why the hell would SHE tell me that? Why they hell would she tell ME that? Why was she smiling when she told me that?
The next time I saw her, I asked her what she was doing that weekend and she said, “nothing, do you want to go to a movie?” And that was the moment that I realized what was happening. And I wound up getting a date out of it.
And eventually, a family.
Having said that, James explained that “if they like you then they need it spelled out clearly just in case they’ve got it wrong.” What he suggests is “rather than an over-the-top romantic gesture, just ask them if they’d like to go out on a date one evening.” James assured us that it doesn’t need to be more complicated than that and they might be curious about just one meeting.
Can I say one I was oblivious to?
I was out of town, chatting to a girl at a bar. We figured out I was 13 inches taller than her. She said, “That’s funny, I’m going on a date with a guy who is 13 inches taller than me tomorrow. And I’ll probably f*ck him after.”
My response? “Well, that’s a weird coincidence!”
I didn’t figure it out until I was on a plane home.
However, at some point, it may become evident that unfortunately, your interest is not romantically interested in you. James said that if you’ve tried a few different techniques, then it’s probably a good idea to accept it’s not going to work. “This can often be because you’ve already established a friendship or working relationship. Once you get categorized then it’s very difficult to get them to change that.”
Picture this: teenage me in bed with my girlfriend, sans clothes and doing some heavy petting. I had a condom in my wallet, like a sauve motherf*cker. She asked to see it. I told her “I only want to take it out of the package if I’m going to use it.” She replied “Okay, take it out.” Me: “Nah, I only want to take it out if I’m going to use it.” Her: “Let’s take it out.” Me: “No, don’t want to waste it.” Her: “…”
Fast forward 15 years to me sitting thinking while in the dentists chair and being like “Holy f*ck, I’m a moron…”
Her: Do you have a girlfriend?
Me: No…no one would date me anyway.
Her: I’d date you.
Me: Thanks, but you don’t need to pity me.
Her: I would date you
Me: Thanks but…
Her: Are you free on Saturday?
Me: Surprised Pikachu face
And we’re going on two years in October
Me posting on Facebook: “anyone wanna go hiking this weekend?”
Cute girl: “I’ll go.”
After a long hike and dinner, I still didn’t know I was on a date until I was dropping her off. Seriously thought we were just hiking. We’re married now.
Moreover, “if they are constantly talking about the dates they are going on or asking your opinion on partners then that’s a clear sign you aren’t their target,” the dating expert said and added that in this case, it’s best to “just carry on enjoying their company the way it is and look to date other people instead.”
She asked if I was interested in dating. Thought she meant in general and said no because I didn’t really have an interest in dating anyone but her.
She got pretty distant after that. Didn’t realize she was talking about the two of us dating until later.
I was living overseas in a place where it was difficult to find CDs (this was pre-streaming). A girl I knew had started chatted to me on Facebook. I thought nothing much of it, figured she was out of my league, it was nice to chat. But, you know, I chatted to lots of people.
A few weeks into this chatting, I get a package in the mail. In it is Radiohead’s “In Rainbows”, with a note that says, “Hope you enjoy. My favorite track is 8. x”
I message her, I say thanks and that I really dug track 5.
“What about track 8?”
“Oh, yeah, it’s okay.”
“I really think you should listen to track 8 again.”
Track 8 was “House of Cards”, which opens: “I don’t want to be your friend / I just want to be your lover / No matter how it ends / No matter how it starts”
Still kicking myself.
She invited me to go swimming with her in college, but before we went to the pool, we’d need to stop at her room so I could tell her which bikini looked the best on her. My stupid ass said, “I’m sure they all look great, just pick one and meet me at the pool.”
When it comes to dating in general, James confirmed that the pandemic has really changed the way people are dating. “They’ve been forced to slow things down, which is actually a great thing. They’ve had a great chance to reflect on what they do and don’t want.”
The dating coach also said that he firmly believes that people are now much more serious about finding a long-term partner and they aren’t willing to settle anymore. “So they are less likely to be messing around on dating apps and more likely to look to meet people in the real world,” James concluded.
Girl: Are you going to that party?
Me: Yeah for a little bit. Probably gonna be boring.
Girl: Yeah…was thinking of just staying in.
Me: Probably a good plan.
Girl: So yeah…I’ll just be here tonight. Roommates are gone.
Me: Sounds nice; my roommates never leave.
Girl: Ok. So. I’ll be here all alone in my apartment. If the party sucks.
Me: Very good.
She invited me in “for coffee” after a date. I don’t drink coffee, and it was 11pm. I politely declined and went home. Had no clue coffee meant sex.
A few years ago I was working at my elementary school’s annual spring fling. That day I volunteered to be the school mascot(a big-ass bear costume) for the morning shift. It was a boring job of feeling like a pedophile the whole time because little kids would hug you constantly and be all over you. They were at just the perfect height for every kid’s face to be just in your crotch. It was nearing noon and my shift was soon to be over when a girl my age, 17, stole the bear head right from my own head and ran away with it. I wasn’t gonna pay for a damn bear head if she didn’t return it, so I ran after her and followed her into an empty classroom with the lights off and the shudders shut tightly. She said something like “oh looky here, mr papa bear, I’m holding your head, I’m a bad girl” I was pissed she took it and wasn’t thinking so I, being oblivious to her remark, took the head yelled “THE CHILDREN NEED ME” and stormed out.
Her: ” do you have a girlfriend” me: “no” (just typing this hurts me she was super cute) her: “lol really that’s so suprising, I don’t have a boyfriend” me: “lol”
This was probably in 8th grade. A girl got off at my bus stop and asked if she could see my house. So I showed her around the house, and we ended up in my room. She asked if I knew any good games.
So I loaded Age of Empires 2 on my computer and showed her how to play. She left shortly thereafter.
Apparently that wasn’t the kind of game she wanted to play
Like 2 years ago I was staying at my aunts house because my parents were away. My cousin had some friends over. They were in the pool and I was watching TV inside. One of the girls came upstairs and said “I’m going to get changed, can you come with me?” I politely said no and she walked away. Five minutes later I think about what just happened and thought “wait…. Sh*t”
One time I was texting my bf and told him that I bought a vibrator for the nights he was away at work or something rather. his exact response was, “oh cool, what colour?” I sent him a pic of it and he replied with “can you put it up your butt too?”. I sent him a text replying, “come over and find out” and he replied two minutes later, “nevermind, I just Googled it”
In 8th grade there was this blonde girl about as tall as I was. Everyday she asked for a hug from Me and I thought it was like how girls hug eachother in a friend way and that she didnt exactly see me as masculine. Her friend told me on the last day that the girl really liked me the whole time and I just let out a loud “Ohhhhhhhhhhh” in the quiet classroom. I feel a little dumb now but now their conversation in the background made way more sense
Girl smiled at me while I was at work at my store, I smiled back. Considered asking her out cause she was really f*ckin pretty.
On break, I bought some pizza rolls and hoped she would be in my line. Low and behold, she is in the 14 or less line. We exchange some more smiles, and my heart was goin nuts cause I was gonna actually ask, but the back of my head kept thinking “she’s too good, she’s just smiling out of respect”. So I didn’t. She gets to the register and asks to use her rewards account. The cashier asks her name and she gives it. Nothing comes up, so he asks her for her number. She gives it very slowly and on the last four digits, turns around and looks me dead in the eyes. The guy says there’s no account and she doesn’t even acknowledge it, just pays and leaves. I get into the break room, and it hits me that she may have been trying to hint something.
When I Was in the 8th grade 3 girls approached me in a secluded area of the school when I was on my way to the locker room for Gym class. They approached me one of them told me “this girl thinks you’re cute. Would you go out with her” Me, having serious self esteem issues from 2 earlier rejections (and everyone within earshot laughing their asses off as I walked away in 6th… and 7th grade humiliation) said to the nice girls “No.. you don’t want to go out with me. You just want me to say yes so you can laugh and run off..” They insisted “No, we are serious.” girl who liked me “Honestly, I think you are cute and would love to go out with you” “No.. I’m sorry, you’re lying” and left. They had the most WTF look in their faces..
TL;DR: Always get back up, never give in to rejection in life.. You might always wonder with regret.
I’ve had multiple women ask me why I didn’t make a move (once it’s too late of course) and I still don’t know what hints I’ve missed
Standing with a girl I liked in the dark on the bank of a river on a summer night. We’re just listening to the sounds of the water moving over the rocks. Her: “Why are we just standing here?” Me: “I don’t know. Maybe we should go find the others.” Yeah. Not a moment I’m proud of.
In high school, a girl invited me to her house after school, and brought me up to her room. Once we were there, she excused herself to go change in the bathroom. She was in there about 10 minutes.
Then her mom came home and immediately started yelling at her for having a boy over, and I had to leave. She (the daughter) walked me outside and said, “I’m not sure why you didn’t try anything when I was naked in the bathroom…”
So she thought that was a huge hint.
Meanwhile, I’m thinking, “She seemed 100% into me and it seemed like we were about to hook up, but why the [hell] would I barge into the bathroom to watch her change? Maybe that’s what she wanted, but with someone else, I could have ended up labeled as a sexual predator.”
There was another time that I was alone at a beach at night with a girl in my class, and she suggested that we go skinny dipping. When we were both naked and dripping wet, I tried to make a move, and she shut me down immediately saying that she didn’t mean to send me signals.
Anyway, my advice for people is not to take/give hints. Be mature and talk about it.
one of my friends straight up told me she would say yes if i asked her out and my dumbass thought she was jokingly flirting and thought nothing of it, until a few months later when it hit me
“I cleaned my room for you” she literally said that and I did not pick it up, like what the [hell] man, how could you miss that
Several were painfully obvious, to everyone but me. In fact, it took my wife pointing them out many years later (she asked about any prior experiences with women that seemed unusually strained right before they ended) – and I still have a hard time seeing them as obvious hints.
According to my wife, these are among the more obvious:
A girl I didn’t know stopped me in a hallway and asked if I would go out with her.
A classmate walked by, gave me a smile, and ran her hand through my hair.
I was asked to the senior prom by two different girls – at two different schools.
A woman I was friends with leaned out of her dorm window and, smiling and nodding, said: “You’re hot.” I thought she was joking.
For any women who might read this: I hope it’s encouraging that some guys are totally oblivious
On her birthday she asked for me to have lunch with her at a restaurant, i said yes, when i got to the restaurant it was only me and her, and 16 years old me tought
” so this is a lunch with only us two in a restaurant at her birthday… yeah nothing weird going on”
then a few months later she says she likes me and i’m like “what the hell, where did that came from???”
Also after the whole thing happened i reviwed the hole year in my head one day and just went “sh*t i am dumb as a brick” like everyday this girl flirted with me and i just tought it was a normal thing, i am so dumb.
EDIT: Also after that lunch she insisted in going to my house, after a lot of trying she got me to say
“Yeah ok we can go”
When we arrived she asked to see my bedroom, and so i showed her, she then saw my guitar and asked to play a song for her to what i replied
“what no stop being weird”
A friend of mine: *Waiting in line for an interview, talking to a girl*
Girl: Hey if we can’t get in, we should go grab a beer
My friend: A beer?!? At 9 am? You’re crazy!
Security Guard: Sir, you can go through
Friend: Well good luck getting through!
He later realized his mistake about five days later
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