Tuesday, 28 September 2021
SEATTLE – (Satire News) – This past June 29, the Emerald City’s temperature hit a record-setting heat index of 119!
Reporter Taffeta Kixx with BuzzFuzz wrote that she actually saw a dog, a woodpecker, and a wayward kangaroo, literally sticking to the asphalt in a Walmart parking lot.
She noted that it took a security guard, with the help of a dentist, a pole dancer, and a urologist to unstick the three little fellas.
The three wonderful citizen volunteers had to turn the kangaroo upside down in order to empty the five ounces of sweat that had formed in it’s pocket.
The Seattle City Council held an emergency meeting and decided to capitalize on the hellacious heat by replacing the city’s long-time slogan “Seattle – Home of Bill Gates, the Seahawks, Coffee, and Asparagus.”
The council voted, and by a vote of 12 to 1, chose the new slogan which is “Come To Seattle – America’s Most Sizzling City!”
Seattle was sued by the little bitty town of Cricket Balls, Mississippi, which noted that they have had the slogan “Come To Cricket Balls – America’s Most Sizzling City!” since 1988.
SIDENOTE: Seattle hired famed attorney Gloria Allred, who was able to get the money-strapped little Mississippi town to turn over the rights to their town slogan for $425.