Suddenly emerging, and revealed here through diligent investigative work, a split personality disorder in National Health Advisor, Mr. Fauci, has startled some observers. Others find the two personas “entirely consistent.”
Depicted above, Mr. Fauci is apparently more relaxed when he is able to sit back into his @ Alt-Fauci lifestyle persona.
This alternative enjoys a bit of a stouter presence (cheeseburgers, he says), the long hair and all that, which add mystique to his usual buttoned-down presentation in mainstream news.
Mainstream scholars are now turning toward Mr. Fauci, and the emergence of his alter-ego @Alt-Fauci, as an iteration of formerly famous cases such as Jekyll and Hyde.
However, in this instance, Jekyll and Hyde have bonded.
Major American universities are moving toward research studies on this matter.
Meanwhile, In the cozy confines of @Alt-Fauci’s office, no reporters step forward to challenge statements based on non-existent data.
“Besides,” @Alt-Fauci remarks, in defense of Mr. Fauci, “that data is sure to surface at any moment. Delays in getting its support to our views is merely the usual techno glitch slowdown of our time. It’s not our fault. Bureaucracy is not easy to manage.”
“Would you like a cheeseburger while you’re here?”
When the diligent reporter noted that @Alt-Fauci’s right hand appeared to be offering a gesture of some sort, the good doctor responded pleasantly.
“Partly it’s this Buddhist thing I’ve honored all my life, suggesting ultimate harmony, if only people will get with my directions on what to do in this pandemic.”
“Vaccinating the entire globe is definitely possible. At least I certainly hope so, given I’m now 80 and time is running a bit short. Plus, I’m thinking why not retire for a few years in some exotic place.”
“I will definitely take my mask collection along for that.”
Further, @ Alt-Fauci guaranteed there was absolutely NO evidence that Mr. Fauci in his regular, thinner TV persona had been overheard singing, “I need a fix ’cause I’m going down” in his bathroom.
Now a delicate question arose.
Would Mr. Fauci as @ Alt-Fauci guarantee that he REALLY represents Mr. Fauci’s true views?
@ Alt-Fauci replied that although a different form of Mr. Fauci he was absolutely loyal and could guarantee credibility on Mr. Fauci’s more private ambitions, such as retiring to some exotic place to escape reporters’ questions.
“But he may deny this.”
“I mean the now this now that approach to politics in this country is de rigeur at this point, and he has followed it diligently.”
“However, you must also look carefully at that part of the image he uses when pushed too far.”
“That is, you are seeing a curved forefinger, very sophisticated, and a subtle disguise for the more traditional middle finger. (I believe the French developed it first, with Napolean No.1.)”
“Basically, it’s directed at the critics, after all his guidance during this time of crisis.”