CORN SHUCK, Iowa – (Satire News) – The man who is trying hard-as-hell to remain relevant has just had a very, rude, freakin’ awakening.
Donald Jonathan Trump, the twice impeached, one-term ex-president, said that only 14 people showed up at his very first 2024 campaign rally because of the dreaded corn beetle infestation.
The Trumptard, whose wife has reportedly left him and returned back to her native Slovenia, said that Iowan’s hate corn beetles, more than Marjorie Taylor Greene hates taking showers.
He noted that another reason for the small turnout is because Fox News, whom he abhors, reported that a tsunami was headed towards Iowa.
In Other Trump News. iRumors reporter Ling Chow Rangoon is reporting that Barron Trump is planning on marrying his black girlfriend, Vaganeesha Pelosi, no relation to Nancy.