Only my girl knows this, i was thinking of killing myself when i came back from working abroad, i was about to do it on a friday, but a friend told me “Hey you wanna come hang out saturday night? just chilling here at home”
I decided to go.
It was actually a surprise welcome party for me, all my friends were there, it was an amazing night.
None of them know, but they saved my life, i wouldnt be here if it wasnt for that.
My giant sexy engagement ring is a created diamond. You (my dear coworkers) all love it to death and go on about how amazing it is because you think my fiance dropped $10,000 on it.
It cost $50 on Ebay and I love it because it’s SCIENCE and not DeBeers.
I’m fully vaxxed as at 3 days ago. Only my wife knows. My entire family and coworkers are all SUPER ANTIVAXX. I’m a closet vaxxer
Compassion fatigue is slowly killing me. I’m so tired. I love my friends and family deeply, but I need a break from being the shoulder to cry on for awhile
I have terminal cancer and am tired of the side effects of the treatments and the pain the cancer is causing. I really want to just die and get it over with but my wife and two daughters would be devastated if I stopped fighting.
I’ve always told everyone my mom died of cancer. She committed suicide. Footnote: So did my son.
I cried over bell peppers today. I always made my dad stuffed orange bell peppers on Halloween. I would cut the little jack o lantern faces out and everything. He’s been dead for three years but today for a second in the grocery store I thought oh that’s right I need orange bell peppers.
Every day I hate the life I’m living a little bit more. I can retrace my steps and see all the choices that would have gotten me to where I wish I was too, but I feel so trapped now. I feel so unwanted and out of place all the time.
In my group of friends consisting of couples in deep relationships, I’m the only single guy. In fact, I don’t think I’ve been in a committed relationship for more than 2 weeks. The idea of being part of a couple has always sounded exhausting and it was something I never really worried about rushing into.
I didn’t truly realize how lonely I’ve been until one night playing beer pong, when I was on the same team with one of the ladies (who was a little tipsy), she hugged me after I won the game for us. It didn’t occur to me that since leaving home for college, those types of physical gestures that brought me comfort as a kid weren’t always there for me anymore as an adult.
TL;DR– All I want is to be hugged.
I did a two hour online test for college and we had to stay on camera for the whole two hours until everyone was done.
The problem was I s**t myself half an hour into the test and sat in my own s**t not allowed to move and if I did move everyone would see I s**t myself.
So I waited until everyone was done and got marks done and could turn off the cameras.
I got 100% in the test.
Edit: so yes this happened and I had no clue this happened to another person on a talk show, but am glad am not alone. Am going to look into American life, am going to find that story and look into it for a good chuckle.
It happened because am highly lactose intolerant and I added milk based creamer by mistake to my coffee.
The clean up was horrendous and I had to throw out my office chair after and shower myself off after.
My stomach is super sensitive and it has happened before but that story is for another time but far worse inside a Bible study at a church. *FML
I was studying psychology, I now work in that field.
My wife cheated on me a few months back. She claims it was just one kiss and dirty texts but who really knows the extent of her infidelity besides him and her. I was beyond stupid and ignored all warning signs. I have told no one and it happened about 4 months ago. We are buying a house and have 2 kids. I initially forgave her and we worked on things. However, she and her sister are going on a cruise in November and I don’t trust her at all. FML.
Edit: I talked to my wife this morning and she was more concerned with our marriage than the cruise. She even went as far as saying she is going to call about canceling it today.
I know many people suggested divorce and I understand why you would suggest it. I don’t know if that’s where wile will end up but for now I’m going to keep trying. Sometimes things aren’t as black and white as they seem.
I see, hear, and touch my wife every now and then.
She keeps me up at night just talking to me.
My wife’s been dead for the past 7 years.
Pills, therapy and counseling haven’t worked. The doctors are out of options for me.
If it happens during the day, to others, I seem to suddenly have a thousand yard stare, my speaking stops, then one or two seconds later, i seem to snap back to reality and continue on.
Otherwise it’s chipping into my sleep and making it hard to wake. Last week was 7 years…
My husbands family are all complete c***s. When we first got together I just thought he wasn’t close to them, but now after spending more time with them, I realize they’re all bullies. They constantly ridicule each other and fight and tease my husband for one thing or another. They’re loud and interrupt each other and belittle each other’s opinions. It’s truly a shame that he had to grow up with those dips**ts. He’s really amazing at so many things and has a lot of self loathing because nothing was ever good enough to his family.
He’s made a name for himself and I’m so proud of his hard work and success, but they still just nitpick. I’m on a mission to make my husband have a peaceful adult life where he’s only encouraged. I want to make him see how amazing he is, the way I see him.
I’ve tried so hard to not be my mom and not be like her that I started doing things she did, and lying to myself and everyone around me, just like she does. One year of therapy down, and I’m trying really hard to put a stop to my bad patterns.
My final semester of college got ruined by the pandemic, including the capstone I had been working on for several years. I got dumped by the person I though I would marry the day before I left campus for the last time. Every single one of my friends stopped talking to me a couple months afterward. I tried seeing a therapist, but she seemed more interested in telling me about her life than actually helping me. In the past year and a half, I’ve lost more family members than I can count, both to COVID and other causes. Those deaths included 2 grandparents, and my 16-year-old cousin who hung himself.
I am more lonely than I’ve ever been and I don’t have anything to look forward to in my life. I don’t know how much longer I can keep doing this. Every night I fall asleep wanting nothing more than to just not wake up in the morning.
I have eaten food quantities that were listed as “family sized” in a single sitting, many times.
I have a husband and two toddlers that I love deeply and would give my life for.
But I often fantasize about running off and traveling the world. Not having to wake up every morning to a 2 year old and 1 year old while my husband soundly sleeps just sounds like pure bliss to me.
I would never do it, I just wish I had done it before I settled down.
I only wear a tie and jacket when I’ve been feeling really upset and fed up with life. That way I have at least one thing to brighten my day. I have been dressing up everyday for more than two weeks now…
I’m disturbed by how difficult it is to feel passion or motivation about anything in my present life. I’ve gone through years of higher education, internships, freelance work, and portfolio work and revisions and I feel absolutely nothing for any of it, which disturbs me greatly, but I keep on the “everything’s great and I’d LOVE to lick your corporate boots” face on because it’s what is expected of me and anyone else looking for work. This also extends to my “hobbies”, dramatic air quotes, because honestly? I don’t even love what I used to love or think I love anymore, and that also disturbs me an incredible amount.
TL;DR: I don’t remember the last time I felt any passion or motivation for anything in life, and that disturbs me a lot.
EDIT: Holy crap, woke up to all of this! Thank you everyone for your replies and keeping the conversation going civilly, it’s much appreciated. For those of you wondering if I have depression and what not, yes, I’ve been diagnosed in the past, along with ADHD and some more personal diagnosis, but I’ve had lackluster experiences with therapy, meditation, and medication, hence my reluctance to give any of them another shot. They CAN be helpful aids, but at the end of the day they don’t change the fact that the problems you’re facing still exist. With medicine in particular as well, I disliked their side effects and how the majority of the ones I’ve tried have “numbed” me even further. I actually felt better getting off my last set of anti-depressants.
I’m unhappy in my marriage, but still love my wife. I think if we met today we wouldn’t even date, much less be married but the thought of leaving her for my own happiness makes me sick to my stomach. She constantly says how happy I make her, how much she loves me, that she couldn’t live without me. And I love her back, we are just so different.
We got married young because “God was guiding us to do so.” Our responsible adult figures told us it was smarter to wait but we (and our pastor) knew better. We did a bunch of premarital counseling, so we actually have a very solid base for our marriage, we have just changed in political views, personal views, leisure activities, movie interests, religious beliefs (unbeknownst to her on that one), and just about everything else. There’s very little common ground any more. I can say we both enjoy watching anime together and listening to audio books of her choosing as we fall asleep (I’ve tried to recommend some and a few podcasts but they didn’t work for her).
We haven’t had sex in months and she recently discovered she’s a-romantic and is fine with basically never having sex. I’m not like that at all.
She doesn’t work at the moment and we are in financial stress because of it, but I still want her to be able to spend money on herself because it helps with her depression (legitimately helps, shes spending money on hobby supplies which give her a sense of accomplishment). Despite me working 50+ hour weeks I still do a majority of the cooking and cleaning due to her mental health. But I still love her dearly.
I’m just unhappy. I care for her, I WANT to be with her, I’m just not happy. I feel like I put in more effort than she does, but she is so appreciative and I know it isn’t malicious on her part, I just enable the behavior. She’s seeing a therapist (newly because of finances) but I don’t think I can afford one for myself or couples therapy.
If you made it to the end, thanks for reading my ramblings.
Edit: 1. My wife described herself as aromantic because she gets repulsed by SEEING romantic acts. She actively seeks out kisses, hugs and cuddles from me on a regular basis. After looking into it more I don’t think she’s actually aromantic based on her behavior, she seems more romance-averse specifically when viewing those acts
2. My wife recognizes that she doesn’t do a fair share of the work and it eats her up and contributes to her depression. I’m not blaming her for not doing enough, but that doesn’t take away the fact that I do still have to do more than my share. She is actively trying to improve herself for our relationship which is a big part of the reason I’m still with her. But I’m still unhappy in this moment in time.
3. We both know we need couples counseling, it’s just not on the table for us at the moment. Honestly just getting it off my chest and having the opportunity to talk with some of you amazing Redditors has helped me a bit already. It’s no replacement for individual therapy but it’s a good boost to give me strength to keep on until we CAN get to therapy for me and us together.
My local dive bar, i live 10 houses away from it and if i ever get too drunk, i could literally crawl my way home
Anyway, right next to the bar is a mom and pops Mexican restaurant, and for the last 36 days, i have eaten 3 tacos americanos every night, i dont know if i have a taco fetish, but i have had tacos for dinner more than 1 out of 10 times this year. My drinking buddy knows about this, but no one else does
I should be job searching, because I need to leave my job soon due to life changes, but I can’t bring myself to care. I just procrastinate with video games and meaningless tasks.
I’m generally a good guy. My wife ensures we have balanced nutrition in our house. But every once in a while I get this incredible irresistible urge for the foods on the dark side of the nutrition scale – the burgers, the fried chicken, the chips and the Doritos. So when this urge comes to a breaking point I make an excuse of going shopping and head out into the evening alone. I’ll prowl around those shopping areas in my end of town that have all the fast food joints – the KFCs, the McDs, the BKs, until I find one that suits my craving of the moment. Once I get my food I find a dark corner of the parking lot and back the car into an obscure spot. Over the course of about twenty minutes I indulge. It’s a sensual and a pathetic ritual. I feel more alive than ever. My mouth is like a decadent emotion filled victorious opera scene. My brain and body are in some sort of quantum singularity of pure joy and light. The food surrenders it’s salty cheesy goodness to me. And then, (oh glory!) Drinking in the sharp, carbonated, sweet sips of ice cold frosty coke hitting my throat washing me in some pure fantastic pleasure. And then, slowly, eventually, the last bite is gone, the last sip is drunk…and it’s all over. It’s just simply over. After a 10 minute food coma I slowly slink the car out of its lonely spot in the parking lot and go home. I’ve been doing this for years. My wife or family don’t suspect a thing.
It’s like Shakespeare said of sex – the expense of spirit in a waste of shame.
This month marks ten years since my mother died. Even though I recognize that she was a broken person with a lot of issues and no strength to face them, and it isn’t entirely her fault, I’m glad she’s gone, in an almost hateful way.
I suffered a concussion about 10 years ago that caused me to lose almost all of my episodic memory. Over this last decade I’ve regained some, remembered people I used to know, facts about them, how I felt about them…but most of the event memory is still gone, or just little flashes. It’s embarrassing for me because, prior to the head injury, I had a photographic memory. Now my memory is junk. I don’t tell people because I don’t want them to feel sorry for me. I feel weird about confessing this even here.
I also don’t want them to get angry. Once I was standing waiting for public transportation, and someone walked up to me and said hi, knew my name, asked me how I’d been since he hadn’t seen me in such a long time. I had zero idea who he was. When I explained about the concussion, he got angry and told me I was lying because I just didn’t want to talk to him, and stormed off. I don’t want a repeat of that.
I’ve been passively suicidal For 7+ years now and most days I wish I had a completely different life, because I don’t want to live mine anymore.
I just feel like I’m suppose to have died 7 years ago. I tear up a lot when I’m thinking about it too long. I love a lot of my life. But I can’t imagine wanting to live it.
I almost caused a car accident a few days ago because I zoned out and ran a red light. Even though nothing happend I feel realy guilty about it.
For your information I’ve only been driving for about a year and is been almost to months since I got my driver licence and what happend realy spooked me out. I’m going to be way more carefull because I really don’y want to hurt anyone.
1.) I’ve never been and am not suicidal, but I fake being happy around other people most the time. I do genuinely feel happy at times around certain people, but I’m anywhere from unhappy to plain miserable when I’m on my own around 90% of the time. I realized something was wrong when I thought about having a “default emotion”, and realized sadness was it. I’ve been this way for at least five years, and don’t see it ending anytime soon, especially since:
2.) I fell in love with my best friend and can’t tell them. We live in different states, and have been much more distant for the past month or so, as they found a new friendgroup irl and started a relationship with one of the members. Between them and classes, I guess they don’t really have time to hang out with me anymore… it’s like being hit twice, once with watching a close friendship potentially fade away, and again with probably never being able to tell them how much they mean to me.
I used to dump my unfinished food from school into the toilet just so it would appear as though I finished it. It clogged 5 times. had to unclog it in secret so that no one knew.
I cheated my way through my first year of nursing school. Realized I wasn’t going to pass the NCLEX (board exam for nursing licensure) if I kept cheating so I actually started trying and I eventually passed on my own. But yeah, cheated a LOT my first year.
That I’m not sure I actually care about anyone close to me nearly as much as they think I do, and that’s ok. Because I will care for them anyways.
I’m faking how I really feel.
I’m still suicidal and hate myself so much that I think about throwing myself out the window.
I may as well edit this in… I am 24, live with my parents and brothers and have NO JOB. I’ve tried getting into the workplace but due to several issues, it’s always failed. I’m going to job courses, job help places and even therapy.
Then oh boy. That’s bad right… Well I have a brain abnormality I need to sort so that’s fantastic.
At least my parents think I’m happy In some regard so they can have some peace of mind.
I care more about anybody than they’ll ever know, I love my family , adore every aspect of my girlfriend , I try my hardest to control my feelings so I don’t force myself on them but it’s really hard and I struggle since the only real good aspects about me is loyalty and honesty , I really want to just poor my heart out to them but I feel like I do more harm than good