MILWAUKEE – (Satire News) – The News Blues News Agency is reporting that just about every member of the MPD is extremely pissed off at the new Police Department budget cuts.
One of the force’s motorcycle cops said that he hates that his Harley Davidson Motorcycle has been replaced by a damn Fisher-Price Kiddie Bike.
Officer Ludlow P. Penpipitty, (Badge #7830162) told NBNA reporter Velveeta Maracas that he is seriously thinking about quitting the force because he is now getting some hellacious leg cramps, arm cramps, and even butt cramps from having to patrol the streets of Milwaukee in his fucking (his word) kiddie cycle.
Meanwhile a 14-year member of Milwaukee’s SWAT team, Elvira Eldorado, pointed out that their iron battering rams have now been replaced by Black & Decker residential hammers.
An extremely upset, officer Eldorado, who is a very devout Prescopalian said that the city council douche bags can suck her nalgas (ass).
SIDENOTE: The police department union is especially angry because the city council even voted to prohibit police officers from stopping off at Dunkin Donuts and getting free coffee and donuts.