Wednesday, 3 November 2021
WASHINGTON, D.C. – (Satire News) – There is much sadness in the Matt Gaetz household according to one of his neighbors.
Gaetz neighbor Imelda Furbush, told Traci Diddle with The National Rumblings News Agency that for weeks she has heard loud arguing coming from the Gaetz duplex.
Mrs. Furbush, who has been sober (Pabst Blue Ribbon Beer) for 7 weeks, said that she has heard some curse words being screamed out by both Mr. and Mrs. Gaetz, that not even Montana lumberjacks use.
She laughed as she said that one night, she heard Mrs. Gaetz say that Matty’s got the dippity do (dick) of a 6-year-old.
He came back by saying that he has recently noticed that her labia majora is covered with cellulite.
Finally, Mrs. Furbush called the police who told the Gaetz’ that they need to stop arguing and disturbing the peace.
With that Matt yelled out that he’ll do whatever the hell he pleases.
“Really? Asked one of the D.C. policeman.
And with that the policeman took out a can of pepper spray and sprayed Gaetz repeatedly.
Then for good measure the second officer tased him causing “Mr. Potato Head” to roll around the tile floor as if he was a tuna fish on the deck of a fishing boat.