Bombastic ranter and poor man’s foghorn, Sir Geoffrey Cox has been discovered alive and well. He was found floating on an inflatable gift horse in a swimming pool full of fifty-pound notes on the British Virgin Islands.
While trousering the not inconsiderable amount of £65m for a couple of hours’ work’ (shuffling three sheets of para-legal standard offshore paperwork around his desk), he was so surprised by the amount he’d earned that he let out a massive primal bellow of delight.
The sonic wave flattened anything above two metres high on the island and has left the entire population of over 30,000 people homeless. A tsunami alert has been issued for Nicaragua, Venezuela and West Croydon.
Despite criticism and allegations of one law for the rich, one for everyone else, Deputy Prime Minister Dominic Raab rushed to Sir Geoffrey’s defence: A spokesperson for Raab noted, ‘Sir Geoffrey was operating within government remote working guidelines. The fact that the remote in this instance just happened to be a remote tropical island is neither here nor there’.