HACKENSACK, New Jersey – (Satire News) – Growing up in the Bronx, little Tiffany Jo Suckasetti, always felt a bit insecure and wondered if she would ever get a boyfriend.
Her self-esteem, self-pride, and self-worth had been taken away by a stupid, jerk high school classmate, who told that she was so darn skinny, she looked like a swizzle stick.
Fast forward a few years, and now little shy Tiffany from the Bronx, has become one hot, sexy, popular Hooter’s Girl.
And according to BuzzFuzz reporter Taffeta Kixx, Tiffy has become even more popular with the male patrons after entering and winning this year’s Hackensack Banana-Eating Contest.
Suckasetti easily won the event in a field of 71 female contestants by downing a total of 82 regular-sized bananas in the record-setting time of 3 minutes and 41 seconds.
Miss Kixx remarked that Tiffy won the coveted 4-foot tall Banana Chomping Trophy, along with the first place cash prize of $18,300.
The girl from the Bronx, also won a 6 days and 6 nights all-expenses-paid trip for three to the gorgeously beautiful Mexican Riviera city of Cancun.
SIDENOTE: BuzzFuzz reports that just within 24 hours of being crowned the banana-eating champion, Miss Suckasetti received 217 marriage proposals; including three from five of the event’s male judges.