Saturday, 13 November 2021
TALLAHASSEE, Florida – (Satire News) – Like Confucius said back in 525 BC, “If one acts like a prick, then sooner-than-later he’ll end up with his dick in the dirt.” True dat, as our British cousins say.
And there is really no better example of a male acting like a prick than Florida governor Ron “Piss Face” DeSantis.
Well except for the possible two exceptions of Donald Jonathan Erasmus Trump and Greg Aloysius Abbott.
That fucked up pair of fuck heads are in a damn league all by their asshole selves.
The New News Now reports that DeSantis, who is one of the most sarcastically arrogant peckerwoods in the country, has just let it be known that he has received several threats from one of Guatemala’s most dangerous drug cartels, the Huehuetenango Mayan Machos.
DeSantis, who is as much of a dick-headed prick as Trump, pretends that he is not concerned about the threats, but one of his aides, noted that the last text message he received from the HMM’s made him pee in his pants.
In The Oh By The Way Department. New News Now reporter Cleopatra Yellowstone said she heard that Ron’s penis is the size of a small acorn.