Daddy privilege is real—and the proof is in the pudding. Some dads get praised immensely and get a metaphorical medal just for showing up and for doing the very basics of parenting. Meanwhile, moms who take care of the kids all day long get very little praise (if any). And this double standard is something that needs to be discussed. That’s exactly what Chloe Sexton—a baker, business owner, and mom from Memphis in Tennessee—did in a viral TikTok video.
She shared exactly how she and her husband, Tyler, were treated differently for running chores for their bakery, BluffCakes. It was actually Tyler himself who drew Chloe’s attention to the fact that he was absolutely adored and seen as a hero for showing to buy ingredients for the bakery with the baby. It’s usually Chloe who does this but doesn’t get a single word of encouragement. Meanwhile, her husband showed up a single time and everyone was gushing over how amazing he was. Daddy privilege? You betcha!
Scroll down to watch Chloe’s full video about the phenomenon and let us know what you think about it in the comments, dear Pandas. Have you ever seen what daddy privilege looks like in real life? Why do you think it exists? Share your thoughts in the comment section. (PS—you should definitely check out what the bakery has on offer. I’m sitting here with my stomach rumbling just looking at the photos of the cookies.)
Just to be clear, nobody’s saying that we shouldn’t compliment dads for their efforts. Good parents are good parents, no matter their gender, and they should be recognized for going the extra mile. However, there really does need to be a more equitable approach to praise for parenting. Showing up to take care of your kid from time to time shouldn’t be praised more than someone who puts in the effort consistently, without grumbling, without expecting any sort of reward.
Meet Chloe, a baker, business owner, and mom from Memphis. One of her videos went viral after she tackled an important issue
Image credits: bluffcakes
The mom spoke about ‘daddy privilege,’ the phenomenon where people praise dads and call them heroes for doing basic, everyday parenting stuff
Image credits: chloebluffcakes
You can watch the full video, which got over 4.1 million views, right over here
@chloebluffcakesIt’s the daddy hero treatment for me 🙃♬ original sound – Chloe
Here’s what Chloe said about daddy privilege in the video
Chloe’s TikTok video got nearly a million likes on the platform and was viewed over 4.1 million times. That just shows that people really related to what she had to say and that daddy privilege is a far wider problem than we might think at first glance.
In the video, the baker explained just how differently she and her husband got treated when picking supplies for her business when they brought the baby. The people in the store thought it was extraordinary that the man was taking care of the baby and they weren’t subtle with their praise. In fact, they heaped it high, calling him a hero. A hero! Meanwhile, whenever Chloe would come in with the baby (or back when she was pregnant), it was all seen as ‘business as usual’ by the cashiers. Unfortunately, hard work gets a very different response depending on what gender the parent is.
“He’s literally not a hero. He’s just a father, just a parent, doing the same [stuff]I do every week,” Chloe said in her video. She also inspired other moms to share their own experiences, having seen what daddy privilege looks like with their own eyes.
Chloe explained that nobody praises moms like they compliment dads for taking care of the kids and working at the same time
Meanwhile, here’s a video showing a day in the life of mom Chloe
@chloebluffcakes #adayinmylife part 2! Baking cookies 🍪 meet some of my kitchen friends! #tiktokresumes #memphis ♬ Paper Birds (3 min) – Jordan Halpern Schwartz
“I’m lucky to have a husband/life partner that is a self-proclaimed feminist and outright said, ‘Honestly the way they treated me was…embarrassing?’ He was in as much shock about how he was treated as I was: TOTALLY NOT SHOCKED. Being married to a man who doesn’t need to be taught just how deeply unfair the treatment of men vs. women in parenting roles is can be extremely relieving,” Chloe told Buzzfeed during an interview.
“To give an example of my typical day-to-day as a mother and business owner, this is how it goes: Wake at 6:45 a.m., prepare both children, drive to school, wait in the car rider line, drive home, get ready for a day of baking while taking care of the baby, hand him to my childcare for the day, head to my local wholesale source for ingredients, load up hundreds of pounds of butter, sugar, flour, etc., unload, organize, and inventory the ingredients at our commercial kitchen, then spend the following hours producing thousands of giant cookies, clean said commercial kitchen and all hardware and dishes (all while wearing evie pumps off and on), then load the baked cookies carefully sealed and stored into my vehicle to take to our office where they are sealed and shipped, get the baby from my childcare and the 7-year-old from school, get started on homework, answer emails, care for the baby, cook dinner, manage both bedtimes for the kids, and maybe do some housework before falling into the couch,” she said what a typical day looks like.
“In my opinion, ‘daddy privilege’ is that subtle upper hand men side-step into as parents that allows them to gain praise for simply…being a parent. You fed the baby? What a great dad! You held the baby while mommy bathed? So considerate of you! You picked up something for dinner? What would your family do without you?! It’s all the little ways mothers do exactly what the world expects of them without a second thought and then watch fathers get praised for simply showing up,” Chloe said.
“Women carry equal and, in some cases, majority breadwinner weight these days and still are deemed less worthy of parental praise somehow. I am a feminist to my core and will always fight for what is equal and just—today that means giving EVERY parent the same amount of attention. Every parent deserves to know that they are seen and appreciated.”
“By all means, cheer on that dad you see struggling to hip-hold a baby while opening the freezer door in the grocery store, but also express that same praise and helpful hand to the mother—who might take his place six days a week. Mothers may not need praise, but they sure as hell deserve it.”
Here’s what some people had to say after they watched the viral video