Northumbria Police has issued a statement today, saying several of its officers are currently engaged in an urgent operation to try to establish the identity of a mystery man posing as the Prime Minister, who duped security at the CBI Conference and gained unfettered access to the podium.
Chief Inspector James Pepper said: ‘It’s quite embarrassing that this joker, clearly some kind of simpleton, was actually allowed to address the delegates. I can only assume the real Prime Minister’s team got wind of what was going on and whisked him away to safety.
‘I can’t really explain how this man not only got to the stage and was able to spout a stream of incoherent drivel. Clearly he was a deranged halfwit who could’ve done anything, but thankfully he mostly rambled on about some kid’s TV show.’
Ten Downing Street was remaining silent on the matter today, although one source did suggest Mr Johnson was still in Glasgow tidying up the lose ends after his stunning success at the recent Cop 26 conference, adding that the mop-topped moron in South Shields was clearly a crank looking for publicity.