Wednesday, 17 November 2021
WASHINGTON, D.C. – (Satire News) – White House Press Secretary Jen Psaki has just stated that the incidence of the Pig Virus has gone up just in the past 72 hours.
The Pig Virus which is believed to have started just outside of Mar-a-Lago, Florida has Floridians and Georgians worried like hell.
Speaking before a very concerned group of White House press reporters including Bingo Branch from the ‘Doubting Donnas’ network, Fox News, Ms. Psaki stated that Dr. Anthony Fauci is very concerned and he has mandated that bacon consumers chew their bacon at least 18 times before swallowing.
He pointed out that this will totally kill any and all Pig Pandemic germs that have adhered to the bacon like peanut butter to bread.
Dr. Fauci also wants to stress to those 4,000 or so US individuals, who for some dumbass reason actually salt their bacon, to stop that sick practice immediately.
iRumors reporter Vodka Vermicelli reports that Donald Jonathan Erasmus Trump stated before a gathering of 32 people at a McDonalds in Duck Dung, Alabama, that it is all a hoax perpetuated by Dr. Fauci, Nancy Pelosi, Kathy Griffin, and Hawaiian country rapper Yolanda Yo.
Meanwhile the pitifully pathetic former POTUS (DJT) insisted that he will continue to eat bacon with all the salt he wants, and furthermore he will not even chew it, adding that he has always, always swallowed his bacon strips whole.