LONDON – (UK Satire) – In what London law enforcement authorities are calling one of the most brazen art heists in recent history, a group of six thieves, dressed as Buckingham Palace guards, have made off with 19 extremely expensive paintings.
The curator of the world-famous Petula Clark Art Gallery, Byron Bryan Kinkington, 57, informed members of the UK press that at approximately 3:15 am, (Barcelona time), the group of half-dozen criminals drilled their way into the Pet Clark, as Prince Charles refers to the art gallery.
And within a span of 7½ minutes, the well-precisioned team, made off with some of the most expensive paintings in the world; including Picasso’s “Short Woman Cooking Vichyssoise in The Nude,” Michelangelo’s “Sardine Mating With A Lobster,” Leonardo da Vinci’s “Wanton Whore Reading A Book About Orgasms,” and Vincent van Gogh’s “Memories of My Ear.”
Gallery video cameras captured the damn, low-life, bloody, blithering thieves, but like a detective with the London Police Department stated, “As everyone knows all Buckingham Palace guards look absolutely the same.”
According to UK’s leading information guru, Piers Morgan, the total value of the 19 masterpieces is £152.7 million.
SIDENOTE: Ta Ta For Now News is reporting that Queen Elizabeth has offered a £400,000 reward for the safe return of all 19 paintings.