MANCHESTER, England – (Sports Satire) – Reports out of the UK state that Simon Cowell’s If I’m Being Honest Productions has just finalized plans for two of Britain’s most popular football clubs to play a game in China.
The game will be played in Shanghai’s Fortune Cookie Stadium, which can hold 125,000 fans, 134,000 if lots of them are skinny-as-hell.
Man U Manager Ralf Rangnick, told the sports media that his team has been preparing for their game in Shanghai for 85 days.
He noted that they have been eating foods like Lemon Chicken, Mongolian Beef, Dragon’s Breath Egg Rolls, Crab Rangoon, and Ingredient-Free Fortune Cookies for the past 66 days.
Red Devils’ super star, Cristiano Ronaldo (#7) stated that he is dreading going to China because he has a very strong innate fear of rickshaws.
Meanwhile Tottenham Hotspur Lilywhites Head Coach Antonio Conte told the sports media that one of his ex-girlfriends, named Ling Ading Chowmein has been texting him and telling him that he can stay with her and her live-in lover girlfriend, Betty Foo.
Reports are that the Shanghai Chamber of Commerce will be providing each of the Manchester United and Tottenham Hotspur players with their very own personal rickshaw during their stay.
SIDENOTE: When asked what they plan to do about Cristiano Ronaldo’s fear of rickshaws, a spokesperson for the chamber of commerce said that the fella can walk wherever the heck he needs to go.