Suggestions include MPs doing an actual day’s work, only having one second home for their secret lovers, paying for their own pornography and floating duck houses.
The Justice Secretary responded: ‘There is no evidence at all to show that a so-called tough approach works. We are a product of generations of in-breeding, laziness and incompetence. I’ll be damned if I will lift a finger to break that long and inglorious tradition. Now hand me my Salamander Hors d’oeuvre.’