America’s favorite doctor, Dr. Anthony Fauci issued a federally-sponsored order to Santa Claus this morning which read as follows:
“Of course everyone, both children and adults are free to celebrate Christmas as per usual this year, but Santa Claus is NOT invited. Until further notice Santa is to shelter-in-place in his home on the North Pole.”
An unidentified woman who answered the phone at Santa’s North Pole Headquarters, told us Santa was not available to speak with us, but she did tell us Mr. Claus was very unhappy about Fauci’s timing with his announcement.
“Well he waited until Christmas Eve to tell us that everything is off?!!” she told us when asked if she could fill us in on Santa’s feelings. “We have a trillion orders ready to go. What are we supposed to do with them now?”
When Dr. Fauci learned of her comments, he seemed unimpressed. “Well they can send that stuff to Africa, or some other place that we don’t care about. We’ve got a virus to manage in these parts!” Fauci went on – although he stipulated it was off-the-record, with some personal insults and other derogatory comments about Santa.
Dr. Fauci’s willingness to shut down one of the world’s most beloved characters, is indicative of the magnitude of his power and influence in Western society.
Last week Fauci announced that “for the clueless people who still don’t get it, I speak for Science with a capital ‘S’! Only a fool would go against my orders.
Jules Rudolph, attorney for Santa told us last-minute efforts are being made to get the doctor together with his client and see if they can’t work something out. However, representatives of Dr. Fauci told us there was nothing to talk about at this point.
Our sympathies go out to all the children of the world who have to grow up in this lunacy.