The Conservative party has announced that it intends to replace Boris Johnson with a life-sized cardboard cut out of Roger Moore.
“It’s what the voters want,” said a high level politician today, “gravitas, stillness – a sense of purpose. In these respects and others, a life-sized cardboard cut out of Roger Moore will fare far better than Johnson.”
The cut out will be pre-loaded with a set of quips. These will include: “Keeping the British end up, Sir”, “Sheer magnetism, darling” and “There’s no sense in going off half-cocked”. The makers are confident that these three alone should be sufficient to answer any political question with much more sense than the Prime Minister can currently muster.
Other parties are keeping a close eye on the experiment, with the SNP having already purchased exclusive rights to the use of a cardboard cut out Sean Connery, and labour eyeing either a cardboard George Lazenby, or, failing that, just some cardboard.