BILLINGSGATE POST: Chicago Mayor Lori Lightfoot’s plan to curb violence in the city is facing an unprecedented dateline. This past year, there were 777 homicides reported in Chicago, ending the deadliest year in a quarter century. With the present population of the city around 2.7 million, Lightfoot fears that she may not be around when everyone is exterminated and the city becomes a skeleton of unoccupied buildings in 34,000 years. That estimate is based on zero population growth and if the present rate of homicide deaths continues unabated.
The concept to reduce population but not destroy the superstructure was first promulgated in the early 1960s by a Mad-Hatter nuclear physicist who was transfixed after watching the movie, Dr. Strangelove or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb.
The scientist, Elmer Smuckmeister of Beaver Crossing, Nebraska, was overcome by the thoughtlessness of nuking a vibrant city just to wipe out a few million inhabitants with a conventional hydrogen bomb. As a practical solution, that would allow the city to be repopulated in a few years, he invented the neutron bomb. This bomb would merely irradiate all living beings, but not destroy the buildings; a humanitarian gesture that scored him the Noble Peace Prize in 1966.
Mayor Lightfoot, who is becoming more and more paranoid about being mayor of a city with no citizens to fund her extravagant hair do’s, is considering the neutron bomb option as a way to stop the killings and save the city from destruction.
Dr. Slim: “I hope she rides the bomb down like Slim Pickens. Loved that scene.”
Dirty: “Yo, Dr. Dude. Put a saddle on that baby and let her rip.”