Conservative MPs who’ve updated their copies of Microsoft Office have found a new time saving template built-in to the new version.
One Tory MP explained; “I fired up a blank document in Word this morning to write a letter to a constituency, I got as far as typing ‘Dear…’ when it popped up a window saying ‘It looks like you’re writing a letter of no confidence to Boris Johnson. Would you like help?’ There was my old friend Clippy, but bent in the shape of a hangman’s noose.
“I thought ‘Why not?’ and select the ‘Yes’ option and the document wrote itself with a comprehensive list of misdeeds that any other prime-minister would not only resign for, but for most people have to change his name and leave the country. When I printed it off, I had to load an extra pack of paper – it’s going to cost a fortune to post.”
A spokesman for Microsoft explained that “They try and keep Word up to date with future requirements.”
When contacted for comment, Downing Street said they were “Too busy for this; they had a leaving do to organise and someone had told the brewery the wrong date.”