Russia has decided to stop all cooperation with western countries on the International Space Station but stopped short of admitting it has instructed its cosmonauts to start behaving like the flatmates from hell.
The Americans disagree.
It started yesterday morning when Vladimir and Oleg finished the milk in the fridge, which was clearly labelled USA and put the empty carton back.
“I couldn’t believe it,” said Colonel Gary Sheppard. “They know that I like to have fresh, cold milk on my Frosties every morning, but they are so selfish. They even have loads of their own sterilised milk, like your gran used to get, on their shelf, although it tastes awful on cereal.”
“Then they had ASDA’s Smartprice fish pie for lunch, and the kitchen smells like the devil’s own arse. They didn’t open a window, turn on the extractor fan, or even wipe around the microwave with Flash. They’re like animals. That Putin has a lot to answer for.”
The Cosmonauts deny that they are doing anything on purpose. They claim not flushing the toilet after their traditional Russian asparagus soup party was purely an accident, as was leaving the heating on before going out last Friday night and putting out the wrong bins last Thursday.