Unless you’re getting paid some serious overtime, your Saturday and Sunday should be off limits. If your boss asks you to work on the weekend, here is what you should say.
“I don’t do that, I’m French.”
“I don’t do that, I’m French.”
Say no more, you’ll get August off, too.
“My kid has a soccer tournament.”
“My kid has a soccer tournament.”
This works best if you start pretending you have a child a few years in advance.
“I have a 48-hour dentist appointment.”
“I have a 48-hour dentist appointment.”
As an added bonus, your boss will be extremely impressed by your commitment to dental hygiene.
“If you please, Mr. Scrooge, my boy is ill and I must away to him at once.”
“If you please, Mr. Scrooge, my boy is ill and I must away to him at once.”
This classic appeal to emotion should bring him around. Plus, the man will be in for one heck of a night if he doesn’t realize the error of his ways.
“Can’t. It’s my weekend without the kids.”
“Can’t. It’s my weekend without the kids.”
A good boss will recognize their workers’ need to go absolutely buck-wild.
“But I was told I wouldn’t have to work weekends.”
“But I was told I wouldn’t have to work weekends.”
Bosses will always honor their vague commitments.
“I wish I could, but I’m going to have a psychotic breakdown and hold you hostage this weekend.”
“I wish I could, but I’m going to have a psychotic breakdown and hold you hostage this weekend.”
Good to give them a heads-up to make sure they’re available.
“Sure!”
Be advised this will likely result in you working over the weekend.
“But if I’m here, who will stand sentinel at the Nethergate of Durth?”
“But if I’m here, who will stand sentinel at the Nethergate of Durth?”
Surely they’re not suggesting we relax our vigil upon the forces of Lord Slazzath?
“Okay.”
While you may be tempted to push back on your boss’s request, in the grand scheme of things, you’re going to die whether you work Saturday or not.
“I’m going to attempt to fistfight you now.”
“I’m going to attempt to fistfight you now.”
As long as you give them a heads-up, this is an acceptable course of action.
“Absolutely, but only because I know you won’t take it for granted.”
“Absolutely, but only because I know you won’t take it for granted.”
They definitely won’t ask you to work next weekend, too.
“Sir, yes, sir.”
You have to say this in America in order to avoid losing health insurance.
“I’m sorry, but that’s usually when I talk myself off the edge of quitting this job.”
“I’m sorry, but that’s usually when I talk myself off the edge of quitting this job.”
Preventing a rage quit is important for the company as a whole.
“The bidding will begin at $80 an hour.”
“The bidding will begin at $80 an hour.”
Your boss might get nervous that there are other bidders lined up and jump at the opportunity to pay you only $80 an hour.
“I’m working my other job.”
“I’m working my other job.”
Your boss is sure to understand that she doesn’t pay you nearly enough to survive on that one income alone.
“Hush, little baby, don’t say a word.”
“Hush, little baby, don’t say a word.”
Lull them to sleep with a classic bedtime song, and they’ll wake up thinking it was all a dream.
“In return, can you get my groceries, do my laundry, and spend some quality time with my children?”
“In return, can you get my groceries, do my laundry, and spend some quality time with my children?”
This seems like a fair trade.
“How serious are we about the whole Sunday Night Football thing?”
“How serious are we about the whole Sunday Night Football thing?”
Maybe the league would be open to moving games to Monday.
“Sorry, but the weekends are when I pursue my true passion of updating my résumé.”
“Sorry, but the weekends are when I pursue my true passion of updating my résumé.”
No good boss would ever stand in the way of an employee’s creative expression.
“I’d need more grain and cloth rations.”
“I’d need more grain and cloth rations.”
If it was good enough for ancient Egyptians, it’s good enough for you.
“I can’t. It’s the Tulsa Pro-Am Rec League Airsoft Semifinals, where I plan on sending reigning champion, Tommy Plickton, directly to hell.”
“I can’t. It’s the Tulsa Pro-Am Rec League Airsoft Semifinals, where I plan on sending reigning champion, Tommy Plickton, directly to hell.”
Just say you’re otherwise engaged.
“I’ve got a thing.”
“I’ve got a thing.”
Say no more.
