PHILADELPHIA – (Satire News) – The Philadelphia City Council has just voted 7 to 3 to ban comedian Chris Rock from ever setting foot within the Philly city limits.

A council member identified as Henrietta “Sags” Shickenbocker said that no one insults their native son, Willie Smith, and gets away with it.

When told that Rock did not offend Will and that he directed his G.I. Jane joke at Jada Pinkett Smith, Shickenbocker rolled her eyes and replied, “Well that’s six of one and a dozen of the other.”

When informed that her analogy was a bit on the fucked up side, “Sags” answered by saying that she is a born and bred Philadelphian, and as such her analogies can be fucked up because that is just the way that Philly folks are.

Rock was contacted by The Daily Drama’s Cinderella St. Lamb, and asked to comment on his being banned from “The City of Brotherly Love,” he replied, “Philadelphia! Hell I wouldn’t set foot in Philadelphia if Beyonce offered to give me a you-know-what and paid me $2,000 to do it.”

Meanwhile, Don Lemon is reporting that Will Smith was recently seen at three churches in West Hollywood asking a priest, a rabbi, and a pastor for forgiveness for his acting like a complete, out-of-control piece of #&@%^*! at the Oscars.