Northern England was the scene of unprecedented carnage last night. Gangs of rampaging protestors wearing clogs and hurling Molotov butties set fire to several kebab shops and Reg Braithwaites’ chippie.
‘Ay up, Duckie,’ said one Bentley owner who wished to remain anonymous. ‘You can’t blame folk, can you? The last time I filled up my GT V8 Convertible to pick up the Ebahgumshire Gazette and Echo from Elsie’s corner shop cost me less than £3500.’
‘Now it’s over five grand. This cost of living crisis has got reet out of hand. You might as well buy you’re own bloody bus. You can’t expect law-abiding Northerners to sit there and say nowt when they can barely afford to fill up their Bentleys and enjoy a luxurious blend of exquisite style and hand-built craftsmanship.’