Thinking of visiting the UK? Think again. Britain is much further away then you might have expected. In fact London is situated a few degrees south of the Equator, on the border of Uganda.
Should you reach the UK you will be bundled onto a waiting aircraft, by kindly men with tasers. After a quick cavity search and interrogation, you will frog-marched to the nearest exit.
The flight will last several hours, unless you are dropped in the Mediterranean en route. You might think the bag on your head is optional. It’s not.