BILLINGSGATE POST: On August 30, 1963, John F. Kennedy became the first U.S. president to have a direct phone line to the Kremlin in Moscow. The “hotline” was designed to facilitate communication between the president and Soviet premier so that one could advise the other that their respective goose was cooked because a nuclear missile with their name on it was on its way. It was agreed that the line would not be used for routine calls such as sex chatter or exchanging favorite recipes.

Over the years, the phone line was never used for its intended purpose. Let’s call it the Quasimodo Effect. It was not until the sex scandal involving President Clinton and 24-year old White House intern Monica Lewinsky took place in 1998 that news of the phone line gained front page notoriety. Reports that Clinton had turned the phone over to Lewinsky so that they could engage in private phone sex chatter during their relationship raised eyebrows in the Intelligence community.

Just to clear the record; during the Clinton impeachment hearings it was revealed that when Clinton said, “I never had sex with that woman,” he was not attempting to deceive Congress. The Urban Dictionary – which has the penultimate word on these matters – defines phone sex chatter between two people as “close to the real thing, but no cigar.”

A limerick on the subject:

If Kaczynski had felt somewhat better
He wouldn’t have put bombs in his letters
He’d have sent a cab for Lewinsky
And scored a quick Blowinsky
Followed by a cigar and phone sex chatter.

Anonymous

Dr. Slim: “I wouldn’t put my name to that either.”

Dirty: “Yo, Dr. Dude. Don’t call me. I’ll call you.”