DETROIT – (Sports Satire) – There is lots of joy in Mudville today; ah wrong sport, let’s make that Motown.

The Detroit Lions die-hard fans are thrilled after team owner Shelia Firestone Ford Hamp, agrees to sign former San Francisco 49ers quarterback Colin Kaepernick to a two-year contract for $1.9 million per year.

The entire city of Detroit is as excited as a family of termites in a baseball bat factory; especially since the Lions 2021 record was a horrendously horrific (3-14).

Colin who has not tossed a football in an NFL game in 6 years, told Sportsapalooza News reporter Pia Confetti, that he is in the best shape he has been since his college days at Nevada U.

He noted that he has actually grown an inch, and now stands 6-foot-5-inches tall. He also revealed to Miss Confetti, that his IQ has gone up 37 points from 109 to 146.

Colin added that his goal is to be a team player, but he adds with a slight grin that his personal goal is to take starting quarterback Jared Goff’s job.

SIDENOTE: Kampernick, who is 34, pointed out that he has been practicing kicking field goals in the six years he has been off, and he revealed that recently he has hit FGs of 68, 73, and 91 yards; which according to CBS announcer Tony Romo is pretty effen good.