AUSTIN, Texas – (Satire News) – iNews has reported that Texas governor Gregg “The Hick Dick” Abbott is about as worthless as a breeding bull with no ding dong.
The poor excuse for a human is so stupid that his own mother took him to a fire station and left him there when he was only 55 minutes old.
The firefighters tracked her down and told her to take her baby back or they would all beat the shit out of her.
Of course, it is totally understandable that Greg the ugly-ass creep, idolizes Donald Jonathan Erasmus Trump, about whom Abbott says if he was a girl (Abbott) he would be all over the Trumptard like mustard on a hot dog weeny.
iNews reporter Kitty Segovia pointed out that the latest QuinniPinni poll showed that Abbott has a 7% approval rating in the nation; and only a 1.3% approval rating in Texas.
Miss Segovia stated that VP Harris recently said at a new conference that Abbott is such a low-life punk that if he worked at McDonalds flipping burgers, the swamp creature would be fired after the first hour.