This morning, Prime Minister Boris Johnson made his daily apology to the country for the twentieth day in a row. “I’m really sorry,” he said. “Honestly, I really am this time. I promise it won’t happen again, at least for another twenty four hours.”
This apology was either for lying or breaking another law or being a useless c*nt, it’s hard to keep track. Despite the neverending rollercoaster of lies and apologies, the Conservative party choose to keep him as their leader.
“He’s doing a great job,” said backbench bootlicker Geoff Arse-Mugg. “In fact, if it wasn’t for Johnson’s global leadership, the Ukrainian army would have given up fighting years ago.”
Arse-Mugg also claimed that it was essential to leave Johnson in charge so that he could help with all the crises facing the UK at the moment. “We just need to give him more time. The main reason he hasn’t been able to fix everything yet is because he has to spend so much time apologising.”