POLTERGIEST, Ukraine – (World Satire) – Russia’s free news agency, Vodkavich, is reporting that a group made up of Ukrainian voluteers soundly defeated the pride of Putin’s army, the 106th Russian Roulette Regiment.
Vodkavich noted that the entire 800-man Russian unit was totally annihilated by the Ukrainian made up of 650-men and 150-women.
The Ukrainians were commanded by female Colonel Joanna Shickavinski, 51, who last year was voted the “Best Colonel In All The Ukraine.”
Colonel Shickavinski said that she employed the same exact military tactics that American colonels employed during the Vietnam War.
The Colonel said that she used lots of napalm, infrared telescopes, and plenty of homing pigeons.
Meanwhile The Kremlin Voice is reporting that Putin was privately overheard saying, What the shit is wrong with me?” over, and over, and over.