A woman has decided to give up work for the whole of May and sit on her arse drinking Lambritzi and pink gin, we can reveal.
Kylie Slackbucket, 31, of Spodbury, decided to take action because, ‘Well, it’s all just one long Bank Holiday when you think about it, innit? You’ve got the May Day, the one at the end for the Queen and there’s probably a few in the middle as well. It’s not worth going in to work really, is it?”
The self-styled Mumboss went on to describe herself as a keyworker during lockdown: “My party planning business kept the country going. People needed 2ft high balloons in the shape of numbers and ‘Tits or Guns?’ gender reveal cakes. After providing such an essential service, I’ve been told I deserve a holiday with the girls and unlimited prosecco. It must be true, I read it on Fakebook.”
When it was suggested that she could cash in on the demand for party planners in the run up the Jubilee, Ms Slackbucket simply replied, “Oh no, I’m not materialistic. I’m all about the simple things in life, back to nature and all that. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to go and release 300 helium balloons in the local park.”