News has reached us that Sir Cliff Richard is to launch a new heavy metal dance crossover sound when he performs at the Queen’s Jubliee in July.

Songs such as Devil Woman, Bachelor Boy, We Don’t Talk Anymore, Living Doll and The Young Ones will have a brand new arrangement, set to shake the establishment to its core.

‘Yes, this will really stick it to the proles’ said a particularly unpleasant member of the Queen’s household staff ‘They will all be there expecting a nice sing-along when Cliff will introduce these old classics with a brand new noise-core backing’.

Cliff was heard to remark ‘I like to perform to people of all ages, but let’s face it Queen Elizabeth II is one of my younger fans’.