The only thing men fear more than commitment is getting married specifically to you. Here are the most common excuses guys use to avoid saying “I do.”
“I just got married last week.”
“I just got married last week.”
Men always “forget” to include you in activities you would both enjoy.
“We should stay single for tax purposes.”
“We should stay single for tax purposes.”
If billionaires aren’t going to pull their weight, the common man must sacrifice love and money for the good of the empire.
“I don’t want to end up like that elderly couple that died together on the Titanic.”
“I don’t want to end up like that elderly couple that died together on the Titanic.”
Only way to avoid that is to avoid matrimony altogether.
“Sadly, I am promised to Princess Luisa, who will join me in uniting our kingdoms and ending 500 years of bloody war.”
“Sadly, I am promised to Princess Luisa, who will join me in uniting our kingdoms and ending 500 years of bloody war.”
Okay, but he’s the one who reached out to you on Hinge.
“Can’t. Busy.”
Vague, but effective.
“I couldn’t possibly decide on a wedding theme.”
“I couldn’t possibly decide on a wedding theme.”
Men certainly face a lot of pressure from their buddies to have a fun and original wedding theme, but some will use this anxiety to postpone taking the plunge altogether.
“The Supreme Court is just going to make it illegal again in five years.”
“The Supreme Court is just going to make it illegal again in five years.”
Actually, he may have a point here.
“Fifty percent of marriages end in the husband murdering his wife.”
“Fifty percent of marriages end in the husband murdering his wife.”
Men typically confuse this statistic with the famous divorce statistic about half of marriages failing, but it’s a concerning mistake to say the least.
“I’d like to see if your sisters will marry me first.”
“I’d like to see if your sisters will marry me first.”
Whew! He’s not a marriage-phobe. You’re just third in line after your older and younger siblings.
“I can’t risk tipping off Interpol.”
“I can’t risk tipping off Interpol.”
Oh no. He’s already said too much.
“My parents have been married for 37 years, and they still occasionally get frustrated with each other.”
“My parents have been married for 37 years, and they still occasionally get frustrated with each other.”
What’s the point of making a lifelong commitment to someone if you’re going to occasionally get frustrated with each other?
“My dad was never really there for us, and I think as a result of that I don’t have a strong model of what a husband or father should be. But I do love you, and I’m working on it in therapy.”
“My dad was never really there for us, and I think as a result of that I don’t have a strong model of what a husband or father should be. But I do love you, and I’m working on it in therapy.”
Blah, blah, blah. Excuses, excuses.
“I’m focusing on work right now.”
“I’m focusing on work right now.”
This excuse works better when they actually have a job.
“My mistress won’t be happy about this.”
“My mistress won’t be happy about this.”
Hard to argue with that!
“I’m needed at the bottom of this human pyramid.”
“I’m needed at the bottom of this human pyramid.”
So convenient that he needs to be the base just when the preacher has asked for his vows at your wedding.
“I refuse to get married unless it’s at the English Manor in spring.”
“I refuse to get married unless it’s at the English Manor in spring.”
Most men have unrealistic fantasies about marriage on which they refuse to compromise.
“I’m only 10.”
That’s okay, you’ll wait.
“I don’t know you.”
“I don’t know you.”
He could have gotten to know you if he had just looked out his bedroom window each night these past four years.
“Marriage is just a construct of the patriarchal-capitalist superstructure into which we’re all subconsciously indoctrinated.”
“Marriage is just a construct of the patriarchal-capitalist superstructure into which we’re all subconsciously indoctrinated.”
He’s cheating on you.
“I’m worried I’ll lose my nice even tan.”
“I’m worried I’ll lose my nice even tan.”
Unless you plan to wear rings on both hands, things are going to look pretty weird after coming back from the beach.
“I’m a fictional character in the romance novel you’re reading.”
“I’m a fictional character in the romance novel you’re reading.”
That’s what the guy in the last book said, too.
“I have no idea who you are.”
“I have no idea who you are.”
Knowing the man you want to marry really improves your chances.
“You have $30,000 in student debt.”
“You have $30,000 in student debt.”
That’s fair.
“I’d like to fuck around for the next 20 to 30 years before realizing I’m empty inside.”
“I’d like to fuck around for the next 20 to 30 years before realizing I’m empty inside.”
Some people are just unaware you can be married and still fuck around.
“For the last time, it’s over. Please leave. You’re scaring my children.”
“For the last time, it’s over. Please leave. You’re scaring my children.”
He’s still playing hard to get.
