Let’s face it, you’re not a real New Yorker unless you hate the following things about Los Angeles.
Lack Of Visible Garbage
New Yorkers use garbage piles like a compass to maintain their sense of direction, rendering their navigation skills useless in the face of L.A.’s wide open streets.
LAPD
Far too gentle in comparison.
No Stop-And-Frisk
The brief moments of human touch this unethical policing tactic provide are the only thing keeping many New Yorkers going.
Not Enough Italian Fruit Vendors Tossing You An Orange As You Pass Because You’re Looking Bella Today
Not Enough Italian Fruit Vendors Tossing You An Orange As You Pass Because You’re Looking Bella Today
Los Angeles just sucks.
Happier Pigeons
The pigeons in California are healthier, cleaner, and walk around with a glow that just lets you know they’re feeling good.
Lack Of 9/11 Museums
The burning hatred New Yorkers have for Los Angeles residents comes down to the fact that there are not nearly enough 9/11 museums for New Yorkers to stop by to remember the attacks.
Bagels Are Too Flat And Bland
Bagels Are Too Flat And Bland
There are a ton of restaurants that try to even it out by adding various meats and beans, but it’s just not a New York bagel.
Everything Closes At 10 p.m.
Everything Closes At 10 p.m.
It’s hard convincing any tried and true New Yorker that if they’re hungry at midnight, their only option is to go buy a used car so they can order from a Jack in the Box drive-thru.
Having To Ride The Subway Across Country To Get There
Having To Ride The Subway Across Country To Get There
Every New Yorker dreads the long train ride from Union Square to downtown Los Angeles, spending three days crossing 3,000 miles without sunlight, food, or bathroom facilities.
A Variety Of Mild, Superficial Differences Used To Foment Tribalism
A Variety Of Mild, Superficial Differences Used To Foment Tribalism
Oooh, and don’t even get ’em started on the inconsequential cultural signifiers!
Parking Lots
Most New Yorkers have never seen a parking lot before, and those vast lawless driving spaces tend to frighten them.
Lack Of Empire State Buildings
Lack Of Empire State Buildings
I mean, can you even really call this place a city if it doesn’t have at least three Empire State Buildings?
The Repeated Insistence That Annie Hall Would Be A Better Movie If It Were Set In Glendale
The Repeated Insistence That Annie Hall Would Be A Better Movie If It Were Set In Glendale
Every Angeleno holds this opinion, and it drives New Yorkers crazy.
Fran Drescher Attacks
Unlike Angelenos, New Yorkers would struggle to live under the constant fear that Drescher could end them at any moment.
Reese Witherspoon
Most NYC transplants choose to live on the East Coast specifically to avoid the Legally Blonde star.
Too Many People Trying To Discover Them
Too Many People Trying To Discover Them
L.A.-dwellers are used to it, but New Yorkers find it exhausting to be constantly chased down the street by talent scouts looking to give them their big break.
Having To Write An Essay Saying Goodbye To New York
Having To Write An Essay Saying Goodbye To New York
Going to L.A. wouldn’t be such a hassle if everyone wasn’t required to write a personal love letter/eulogy to the place they’ll never forget but need to escape.
Too Much Nature
A city is supposed to have one big park, a few medium ones, and a fuckload of cement.
