A spokesman for the British Institute for Quantifying Everything has announced that Boris Johnson’s Integrity Quotient has now dropped below zero. “This is astonishing” exclaimed Dr. Phil Norrell, specialist in IQ calculations, “We had always assumed that when this level reached zero the individual would be inherently untrustworthy and ultimately scorned by society. However, it now seems that once below zero, the individual exudes a sort of parasitic affect on the Integrity of any other individual in the vicinity. Fascinating – almost as if feeds on the honesty of others, and taints by association”.
Prolonged exposure to this field could result in a permanent integrity erosion with no hope of recovery. Dr. Norrell is now concerned whether this effect can be intensified by physical contact with the PM in a sort of inverse ‘Royal Touch’ effect.
“Luckily, natural revulsion should protect a large proportion of the populace” confided Dr. Norrell. It is believed that the PM has been in this state for many years, but it has been masked by the company he keeps, many of whom also exhibit symptoms of this condition. “All the parasitic behaviour in the group just cancelled itself out”