Subscribe to Updates

    Get the latest creative news from FooBar about art, design and business.

    What's Hot

    Briana Thompson of Spiked Spin Is Changing Wellness

    June 30, 2022

    Best-Selling Products On Refinery29: June 2022

    June 30, 2022

    Hairy Cheese, Yellow Snow and the Railway Children

    June 30, 2022
    FunnyVot
    • Home
    • Fun Corner

      Hairy Cheese, Yellow Snow and the Railway Children

      June 30, 2022

      If Putin were a woman I’d invade her, confesses Boris

      June 30, 2022

      Man finds a use for SOHCAHTOA at aged 33

      June 30, 2022

      If Putin was a woman

      June 30, 2022

      Every picture tells a story

      June 30, 2022
    • Best of Web

      Americans Discuss Whether Biden Should Run Again

      June 29, 2022

      Amazon’s Alexa Will Soon Integrate Personal Voice Filters

      June 27, 2022

      Things To Never Say To Someone Who Just Came Out

      June 24, 2022

      Things To Never Say To Someone Who Owns A Pit Bull

      June 23, 2022

      Mothers, married women to compete at Miss France 2023

      June 23, 2022
    • Laugh Time

      Briana Thompson of Spiked Spin Is Changing Wellness

      June 30, 2022

      Best-Selling Products On Refinery29: June 2022

      June 30, 2022

      How To Buy The Best Vintage Looks, According To Expert Resellers

      June 30, 2022

      I Am A Fashion Writer & My Mom Is My Style Inspiration

      June 30, 2022

      Is Kosas Hyaluronic Acid Hotliner Good? Experts Review

      June 30, 2022
    • Parody News

      25 Times People Had A Horrible Time During This Year’s Thanksgiving

      November 29, 2021

      Grab This Free LibreOffice Impress Cheat Sheet

      August 7, 2021

      How to View Your Steam Purchase History

      August 7, 2021

      5 Ways to Fix the “System Restore Is Disabled by Your System Administrator” Error on Windows

      August 7, 2021

      What Is the Difference Between Aspect Ratio and Resolution?

      August 7, 2021
    • Fashion & Lifestyle

      WooCommerce Review (2022): Do the 9 Pros Outweigh the Cons?

      June 20, 2022

      10 Best Tools to Sell Digital Goods Online in 2022

      April 27, 2022

      6 Top Payment Gateways for eCommerce Compared (2022)

      April 27, 2022

      Shopify Review: Is It the Right eCommerce Platform for You? (Read This First)

      April 27, 2022

      8 Best Helpdesk Software for eCommerce Stores & Small Businesses in 2022

      April 4, 2022
    FunnyVot
    Home » Announcing Our New Human | Points in Case
    Uncategorized

    Announcing Our New Human | Points in Case

    1278-funnyvotBy 1278-funnyvotJune 4, 2022No Comments3 Mins Read
    Facebook Twitter Pinterest LinkedIn Tumblr WhatsApp VKontakte Email
    Share
    Facebook Twitter LinkedIn Pinterest Email



    From: <[email protected]>
    To: <All_Contacts>
    Subject: Announcing our new human and my realization that Heather is really, really strong!

    Dearest friends and family,

    Heather and I are thrilled to announce the arrival of our new person, River Ryan Jackson, who came into the world on Friday at 4:36 AM. River and Heather are healthy, happy, and doing great. Heather was a total warrior throughout. Seriously, guys, she was so strong. Every time I saw what she was going through, I was in total awe. Like… Wow. Women are strong.

    I’ve never really thought of any woman, including Heather, as strong in the traditional weightlifting sense. I think of them more as strong in the silent and beautiful sense, like a sunflower, or a large quiet whale. But watching Heather give birth? That was weightlifter-on-steroids strong! Superman strong! The whole cast of the Fast and Furious franchise combined strong! After watching Heather give birth, I’m never gonna believe that she needs my help opening a pickle jar again.

    I mean, seriously, I’m the guy who built all the furniture for the nursery: the crib, the diaper table, the rocking chair. Heather’s trying to tell me she can push our beautiful watermelon-sized baby out of her who-ha but she “needs help” putting together two pieces of particle board with that little Allen wrench? I don’t believe it! The next time we get a bookshelf from Ikea, she’s putting that sucker together herself.

    I forgot to mention that River weighed 8 lbs, 3 oz! But enough about that little bundle of joy, and back to Heather’s mental and physical fortitude.

    Heather’s water broke right after she’d made us dinner. We timed her contractions while we watched Yellowjackets (once you start looking, you see strong females everywhere, including this show, which is so scary, lol), and then we headed to the hospital around midnight. After some pushing, River Ryan was born!

    The pushing. Wow. Heather can push, which I really didn’t think she could do! One time on a road trip, our Ford Expedition broke down in the Arizona desert, and I asked Heather to push the car while I steered. She kept saying, “This is really heavy” and “I’m only five-foot-three.” At the time that sounded reasonable, so I got out of the car and pushed it myself. But after watching that little lady give birth, she’s pushing all the broken-down cars in our future!

    I will say, it is incredibly difficult to watch someone you love so much go through a lot of physical pain, so shoutout to our doula Deb for comforting me in the corner.

    Heather has done a ton of impressive things. She’s run two marathons. She maintains a relationship with her brother even though he’s a total nightmare (Hi Derek! Hope you’re well!). But watching her give birth was the most impressive thing I’ve ever seen anyone do. So now that I know what Heather is capable of, I’ve got a little postpartum surprise for her: I’m quitting my job, because she’s strong enough to be a woman who has it all, and by “it all” I mean baby River and sole responsibility for our mortgage.

    To all the women reading this email who have given birth, and to all the women everywhere who have ever given birth (not you, Aunt Linda, because you’re childless): Wow. You are so strong.

    Much love to you all, and I can’t wait for you to meet little River!

    Jason


    Related

    Resources





    Source link

    Related

    children comedy articles emails open letters parents satire and parody
    Share. Facebook Twitter Pinterest LinkedIn Tumblr WhatsApp Email
    Previous ArticleHeat wave to bring 100-degree temperatures to Texas
    Next Article Shock as Sun on Sunday turns out to be as shoddy as News of the World
    1278-funnyvot
    • Website

    Related Posts

    More Honest, Useful, and Specific Netflix Categories

    June 29, 2022

    Boy, That Guy, I Tell You

    June 28, 2022

    Mosquitoes Review Me | Points in Case

    June 27, 2022

    This Pride Month, TD Bank Is PROUD to Say: You Owe Us Money

    June 26, 2022

    Leave A Reply Cancel Reply

    Recent Posts
    • Briana Thompson of Spiked Spin Is Changing Wellness
    • Best-Selling Products On Refinery29: June 2022
    • Hairy Cheese, Yellow Snow and the Railway Children
    • When is the Wimbledon final 2022 and what is the prize money round by round?
    • I Have a Scenario For You – This is True
    Recent Comments
    • Lizette Spenser on Here Is How I Increased My Income in 30 Days Or Less
    • Nicole on Here Is How I Increased My Income in 30 Days Or Less
    • Rebekah on Here Is How I Increased My Income in 30 Days Or Less
    • Michelle on Here Is How I Increased My Income in 30 Days Or Less
    • SEO on Hobo Dinner Foil Packets Recipe—How Long Does it Take to Cook a Hobo Dinner
    Archives
    • June 2022
    • May 2022
    • April 2022
    • March 2022
    • February 2022
    • January 2022
    • December 2021
    • November 2021
    • October 2021
    • September 2021
    • August 2021
    • July 2021
    • June 2021
    • April 2021
    • January 2021
    • December 2020
    Categories
    • Animals
    • Best of Web
    • Fashion & Lifestyle
    • Fun Corner
    • Laugh Time
    • Most Featured
    • Parody News
    • Sketch
    • Uncategorized
    Meta
    • Log in
    • Entries feed
    • Comments feed
    • WordPress.org
    Don't Miss

    Briana Thompson of Spiked Spin Is Changing Wellness

    Best-Selling Products On Refinery29: June 2022

    Hairy Cheese, Yellow Snow and the Railway Children

    When is the Wimbledon final 2022 and what is the prize money round by round?

    Demo
    Our Picks

    Remember! Bad Habits That Make a Big Impact on Your Lifestyle

    January 13, 2021

    The Right Morning Routine Can Keep You Energized & Happy

    January 13, 2021

    How to Make Perfume Last Longer Than Before

    January 13, 2021

    Stay off Social Media and Still Keep an Online Social Life

    January 13, 2021
    Don't Miss
    Laugh Time

    Briana Thompson of Spiked Spin Is Changing Wellness

    By 1278-funnyvotJune 30, 20220

    To answer your question, I’m a Black woman, our number one target consumers are Black…

    Best-Selling Products On Refinery29: June 2022

    June 30, 2022

    Hairy Cheese, Yellow Snow and the Railway Children

    June 30, 2022

    When is the Wimbledon final 2022 and what is the prize money round by round?

    June 30, 2022

    Subscribe to Updates

    Get the latest creative news from SmartMag about art & design.

    About Us
    About Us

    FunnyVot is your best source for FUN! We deliver the most popular memes, breaking stories, awesome GIFs, and viral videos on the internet!

    Our Sites:
    NewVot.com
    CryptoVot.com
    Gamesvot.com
    Healthvot.com

    Email Us: contact@funnyvot.com

    Our Picks

    Remember! Bad Habits That Make a Big Impact on Your Lifestyle

    January 13, 2021

    The Right Morning Routine Can Keep You Energized & Happy

    January 13, 2021

    How to Make Perfume Last Longer Than Before

    January 13, 2021

    Stay off Social Media and Still Keep an Online Social Life

    January 13, 2021
    • GDPR DPA
    • Privacy Policy
    • Advertise
    © 2022 ALL RIGHTS RESERVED FUNNYVOT.

    Type above and press Enter to search. Press Esc to cancel.