In a move tantamount! to deep faking it, the BBC (now pronounced Vuh Vuh Suh) will be removing all of the boos, jeers and shouts of ‘wanker’ everywhere Boris Johnson turns up.
Tim Davie, Dictator General of the VVS and Other Propaganda clarified, ‘Everyone knows ‘King Boris’ is universally loved and admired. All newsroom reporters, researchers and production staff have been fired and rehired as Photoshop monkeys. They will doctor all photographic images and video footage of Boris to ensure he has smart hair, glistening muscles and a basic command of his faculties.
‘Most importantly, we can’t allow the proletariat to remain uncertain as to the veracity of commandments made by Her Royal Shyness Nadine Dorries. In future, all things will be re-cut and broadcast to reflect the unimpeachable truth of the Dorries Accuracy Machine.
‘To that end, Eminem will be remastered over the top of her hiphop-rap-casts, and Channel 4 will become a wholly owned subsidiary of a 96% privatised BBC 4 which 53% of people believe is a chatty bidet called Lola.’