Americans Explain How High Gas Prices Have Affected Them

“​I’ve downgraded from premium gas to tap water.”

“I just couldn’t afford to keep the high-speed chase going for more than two miles.”

“As someone who bikes to work, the increased sense of superiority has caused me a pleasure so intense you could almost call it pain.”

“Lucky for me, my electric-powered Tesla crashed and killed me two years ago.”

“Things are pretty much the same except every third customer threatens to blow my brains out.”

“I can’t drive because of my DUIs, but it’s still made me hate Biden more.”

“I love it. It makes for a lot of segments where I can just sort of mentally check out and nod as some expert rambles on and on.”

“I’m trying to be more conscious about driving at slower, more conservative speeds to make a tank of gas last longer.”

“I used to drive everywhere, but now I’ve got a bike that I never use and just stay home.”

“Just the thought of not being able to mow my lawn every single day this summer makes me want to puke.”

“This is all Joe Biden’s fault. I made the world’s biggest taco, but he refused to buy it. Now I can’t even afford to fill up my tank.”

“You wouldn’t believe how much it costs to gas up the solid-gold yacht I just bought.”

“Those skyrocketing prices have made me realize that all monetary value is an illusion that enslaves our minds and souls, and also that my Hummer gets lousy mileage.”

“I stopped taking the car to pick up my kid from band practice. I’m pretty sure he’s still there.”

“My huffing budget has gone way, way up.”

“The kind of vans I drive for work aren’t exactly fuel efficient, so it’s been hell on my business.”

“I’ve asked my bosses at IKEA if they wouldn’t mind moving the store a bit closer to my house.”

“If America wants to almost quadruple the volume of gas we get at the pump for the same price, we must convert to the metric system! What sounds better, 1 gallon or almost 4 liters of gas for $5.00? I’m picking 4 over 1 every time.”

“I’ve had to start brewing my own cup of gas at home in the morning.”

“If you weren’t already paying $6 for a gallon of gas, you weren’t getting the good stuff.”

“I pretty much just spend more money on gasoline now.”