- Because you love Field of Dreams but you hate your father
- Eight-part documentaries that could have been covered in 45 minutes, but what else are you doing?
- Reboots that have pulled child actors out of hundreds of thousands of dollars of gambling debts
- Current-day Robert DeNiro depicts a 20-something
- Not quite porn
- If you don’t like Owen Wilson but you like the IDEA of Owen Wilson
- Because you watched Stranger Things but find that the kids have grown from “quirky” to “off-putting”
- Hour-long stand-up comedy specials by guys you kinda sorta thought were capable of some messed up shit, but not THAT messed up
- Movies that financed Nicholas Cage’s Albino Cobra collection
- Witty TV comedies where a son and his father– look, it’s just Frasier
- Something to distract you from boring, mechanical sex
- Lesser-known 1930s films that also sync up surprisingly well with Pink Floyd records
- Literally just slideshows of toys you liked as a kid accompanied by royalty-free music
- Derivative travel shows with annoying, try-too-hard hosts you wish we could’ve lost instead of Anthony Bourdain
- Lecherous middle-aged men being forced to ride a tandem bicycle across America with their bully from middle school
- Current-day TV series that attempt to frame Jerry Seinfeld as down-to-earth
- Netflix original dramedy series revolving around a fad from the ’80s, I don’t know, let’s say, laser tag
- Looks like Ricky Gervais has another opinion about something
- Movies where Tom Hanks plays a character who would totally be a dick to Forrest Gump
- Atmospheric German films that help to explain the whole David Hasselhoff thing
- Gritty regional crime dramas where the writers go overboard trying to showcase the local quirks of the area and the leads are always played by foreign actors who are determined to prove their mastery of even the most vile, disgusting accents that are nearly as good as Mare of Easttown
- Wait till you hear what the Catholic church did this time
- All the serial killer nonsense you could ever wish for, you sick fuck, you
- If you liked 9/11
- Fun, uplifting Bollywood blockbusters that could get your Pop-Pop to stop hating Indian people
- ’80s Teen Comedies from the golden era of casual racism
- Rom-coms that paved the way for Matthew McConaughey to agree to those Lincoln commercials
- Overrated “classics” that mediocre white guys quote incessantly
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