Event organisers have gone to great lengths to protect innocent bystanders from a cacophony of copulation and constant squelching. One regular attendee said: ‘Do you know the decibels caused by a hundred condoms being twanged simultaneously? Thousands of flicked nipples can be deafening. And the collective sound of dozens of faked orgasms is ear-splitting – but convincing.’
One disturbed villager commented: ‘I object strongly to the use of loud music – it disrupts the sounds of nature. And by that, I mean the sound of leather on buttock and clamp on testicle’.