Since Elon Musk joked about buying Coca-Cola and returning it to the original recipe using cocaine, serious investors and inventors have been giving consideration to other food and drinks consumed by billions of people every day.
Try the new Meth Pops! It’s Methamphetamine in a delicious popsicle of your choice of flavours! Lemon-Lime, cherry, raspberry – and the all new Hooker Spit! Tastes like a real hooker spit in your mouth when you suck on a Meth Pop!
Or how about Heroin Hamburgers! Injected with pure delicious heroin, one of our burgers will hook you for life! And may even get you life in the Big House! Mmm, Big House burgers … not what you think they are and you don’t want them … but you have to try a Heroin Hamburger! First one’s free! What … you’re not scared, are you?
Coming soon … Cocaine Crisps! Heavenly cocaine is sprinkled liberally over crisps big and small – and now try the new rippled Cocaine Crisps! (Not to be confused with the Crips, an inner city gang from Los Angeles who will cut you, bitch! Them’s my crisps!)
Feeling hungry but just don’t have time to make dinner? Why not try the all new Crack Bars! Each bar is infused with hardcore crack! Eat ‘em or smoke ‘em – they’re damn good and not too expensive, but don’t settle for cheap knock-offs … you want pure crack, not that baby formula shit – rip off a gangbanger and your ass is gonna get a drive-by! Get the fuckin’ crack bars, bitches!
So many wonderful new choices for mom, dad and the kids. You put shit loads of sugar into your systems which make you overweight and diabetic and have heart disease … and that’s the legal shit!
If you’re not 100% satisfied by your purchase … keep it to yourself. Dealers don’t like bad news and they don’t give refunds.
